Concubine

It's been months in coming, but we have not forgotten.

Divine Concubine! 

Behold! The secret door!

I’ve got to say that this side of Rundle Street saved the best for last – Concubine is mostly worth the hype (although most people seemed to come because they liked the idea of the secret room). It wasn’t that secret, but it did give off the private party vibe and was good fun. 

Pictured: party vibe.

The tofu is the best I have ever eaten- it was al dente, golden and crunchy on the outside, and full of silky puffs on the inside-amazing stuff. T-O-F-U has always translated to S-H-I-T for me, a poor alternative to meat, but this one beat the meat hands down. ..ahem. 

I saw what you did there.

The restaurant’s banquet caters quite impressively for vegetarians, or at least those that eat fish. This is an impressive move that leaves the standard veggo dishes of steamed greens and broad beans for dead (yes I am referring to the dishes that Café Kowloon, Ying Chow and the like have been banging out for years). 

Tofu Daiquiri. A triumph!

The fish presentation is impressive –until you realise it’s just crazy. Honestly, who wants to eat a fish that looks like a taxidermist had first dibs? Why the hell was the fish MOUNTED? And how the frick were we to eat it? Most of the table stared at it for a good while before someone stabbed at it with a fork, only to peel half the flesh away. It was like ripping a dress off a clothed person. It had EYES, goddamit! 

Pucker up, buttercup.

As loyal readers would know, any praise is good praise under my critical eye. I wasn’t crazy about the prawns in lime but Concubine take risks and they are generally worth taking. The menu is slightly risky and I was impressed with its versatility. 

Served on a bed of awesome. And lettuce.

The dessert was actually S-H-I-T, two scoops of watery gelati in a bowl isn’t even trying. But hey, no one cared by then, and besides, Chinese restaurants and dessert are not exactly synonymous. 

I call this creation "The Frowning Chef On Ice"

The company I must rate-special mention to Triton, who won the award for ‘best and fairest’ on the Gouger Street Epicure gang. 

The award is a traditional Tibetan bar towel.

Special mention goes to Dougie, who definitely was the most adventurous eater and dared to eat the very worst (link to Congee, the Meatball-Seafood-Chicken sub way roll, Stanley’s bizarre bacon and barramundi bonanza and the Chicken and Jellyfish). 

Don't bet she won't eat it. That wasn't her cash at the beginning of the night.

A shout out to those who came on the adventure: Tess, Trent, Em, Hazel, Tallora, Rosey, Shaun, Krista, Marc, Dan, Shippy, Michael and Olivia. Thanks to all the readers that read it along the way: Rosie the photographer, Kath Lockett, Neil, Suzanne, River, and those who remain anonymous. We will be back next year in a big way. 

You're all winners. Except for Triton.

So here’s the Tally: 

WORST RESTAURANT FOOD IN GENERAL: 

1. STANLEY’S FISH CAFÉ 

 2. SUBWAY 

3. YING CHOW (controversial decision to put after subway, but the food was so bad that everyone of the Cirkidz who have been going there for years vowed to NEVER go again) 

4. THE TALBOT HOTEL (who get food from Chinese restaurant next door, so that alone is a good reason) 

 BEST RESTAURANT FOOD: 

1. CONCUBINE 

2. BBQ CITY 

3. DING HAO 

WORST DISH 

1. CONGEE (RICE GRUEL) WITH KIDNEYS AND LIVER- BBQ CITY 

2. CHICKEN AND JELLYFISH (RAW AND COLD) 

3. SUBWAY MEAT AND SEAFOOD AND CHICKEN SUB