'Best thing you've ever done?'
'Absolutely,' I replied. No pause. No thought. No question. 'But,' I went on 'This is my line on it: having Charlie was the best thing that's ever happened to me, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.'
Why not?
It's best to get the heavy stuff out of the way first. (Parents, skip on over to essentialbaby and play a few rounds of 'Find the Commenter with the Oldest Breastfed Child'). Everyone else thinking about parenthood, sit down and listen up, because, like that amusing jihad instructor said:
Parenthood doesn't just change your life, because change implies some sense of reflexivity. Like you could change back or change to something else. There is no going back. Childless You is gone for good. So long. All that remains are memories, photos and subpoenas.
Childless You and You-With-A-Kid would barely recognise each other, let alone get along.
CY: Hey, Franzy! Coming out drinking? The earlier we start, the longer we can go for, the more money we can spend! Right on! High five!
YWAK: Sorry, Franzy. Gotta leave you hangin', clone. The baby gets up at 7:30 and I'm about ready for bed.
CY: Drag, man. Anyway, have fun changing nappies! I'll text you from wherever I end up at midnight!
YWAK: Right. Actually, don't send a text because I leave the phone on because ...
CY: Bye!
[Sound of Harley roaring off into the sparkling sunset]
Just like that.
My advice to the couple of people who have asked me if having kids is a good idea has literally been: don't have children. Forget about it. Leave it alone. Find something more constructive to do with your time and energy. And when the awkwardness has just about reached its peak, I tell them that, even if after hearing a new parent tell them categorically not to have children, they still want to do it, because it feels right, then that's probably the answer. I don't think that having a kid is like choosing a new TV. Parenthood isn't a product you can get consumer advice on, you have to decide for yourself.
We did. We decided.
And look what happened:
Probably the worst argument against having kids ever produced.
Too.... cute.... my eyes are bleeding!
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, I remember when I was six months 'gone' and a workmate said, "You know, if had my time again, I don't think I'd have kids."
She was the mother of three. We had a fairly long chat after that comment and essentially she was saying what you've said, albeit in a much longer way. In her case, she loved her children but could also see that her life would have been great without them.
As for me? CY's lifestyle isn't a patch on YWAC. And now I'm off to pick up Sapphire from school and give her a hand on the arts-n-crafts market stall.
Well now you've raised a very interesting point: does this blog imply that childless life is better? More pointedly, does it feed into the culture of belittling the enjoyment of parenthood as Kath so enthusiastically does?
ReplyDeleteI enjoy Being A Parent To Charlie, but it's the Charlie bit which I enjoy, not the snot on my new work sweater (actually, I secretly do get a kick out of it)(gross, I have no idea why - probably because it reminds me of the wrestle-hugs he's giving lately).
I can't even begin to imagine how my life would have been without the kids. And now there's grandchildren in the mix.
ReplyDeleteCharlie is gorgeous. I love bathtime photos. All that wet hair and suds makes me smile.
:-)
ReplyDeleteAsking which is better (before or after children) is like asking which is better: Owning a car, or owning a brick. Sound silly? My point is, they are both different.
As you say - do it when you are good and ready. And be prepared for poo.
Totally agree sambo. Well said. And more to the point where did you get that bath bucket? We gave been searching for one like that for josh for ages!
ReplyDeleteWally - I've got to say: I'd rather own a car! Unless it was a whole pile of bricks arranged into the shape of a house ... with a huge pile of flat dirt underneath ... which I also owned. That would be SUHweeeeet.
ReplyDeleteHazey - Truth be told, it's a dog bath. Uncle Dan had it in Melbourne for some reason (there were no dogs at his house).
You don't have to tell me man. I have enough trouble just finding a woman to make teh sex with me. Pavarotti had children well into his seventies, so I tell myself that that'd be the appropriate time to start thinking about having kids. Hopefully by that time CAP will be transitioning into SAP anyway (The 'S' stands for senile) so the change won't be too difficult.
ReplyDeleteI don't know, dude ... seventy ... don't you think you're rushing into it?
ReplyDeleteMaybe... maybe.
ReplyDeleteWell, you'll have time to think about it, what with our longevity and all.
ReplyDelete