Wednesday, November 11, 2009

You know it's hot when ...

... even cold water showers don't cool you off.
... outside stops being an option and starts being a punishment.
... it's too hot to go to the beach.
... you get so sick of rabbit food that you cook a roast chook, just say to say 'fuck you' to the weather.
... partial nudity is suddenly acceptable.
... the ocean looks lower.
... suddenly everyone works for the Bureau of Meteorology.
... you start feeling a weeny bit tough as leather about exactly how many days of scorching heat wave you and all your fellow South Australians have endured ... from your air-conditioned offices.


  1. Don't give me that 5hit! This isn't hot!


  2. go outside to squirt your rabbit five times a day and he - always silent - GROWLS at you

    ...everyone suddenly becomes very interested in your husband's job

    ...thongs are washed as you're showering and plugging up the bath to slosh the water onto the lawn (for the rabbit to lie on when its in shadow);

    Gin and Tonics. Now there's an excuse to have them any time after 4pm!

  3. not to get all, 'that's not a heatwave...' on you, but whimps and whingers the lot of youse

  4. Shippy - ... in your air-conditioned office.

    Kath - Surely that's a typo? You mean after 11am?

  5. Third Cat - Waves crash and end ... whereas the desert *insert mystical sitar music* NEVER ENDS ....

  6. Ah, good thing I've just spent the last three days at a conference at a resort in batemans bay, my cabin a stone's throw from the beach.

  7. "scorching heat wave"
    That's the hot air that rises up to meet you as you walk along that little stretch of Magill road, wait at the lights, then continue along Portrush road, with the sun beating down (no shade) and the heat rising up off the concrete and bitumen, add the heat coming from the exhaust and slipstream of the big trucks passing. Thank goodness it's only about 5 minutes of my day. I hate that hot "cold" shower business too, especially now with the water restrictions I can't even stay under the spray long enough for the cooler water to start flowing.

  8. haha - true that. But remember 2007..? I did my days in the heat back then.

    Hence now my choice to move back into the office.

    What about Mojitos Kath?

  9. DK - We're all so happy for you.

    River - Water restrictions? Did you know that those restriction policies apply to about 4% of water usage in the state? Most of it on people's gardens?
    I say: shower away in righteousness and cool.
    Go on - tell them Franzy said it was okay.

    Shippy - Sounds great, cowboy.

  10. Franzy I'm going to have to pull your up on your last comment. While the domestic water restrictions only apply to 4% irrigators also have restrictions who use 75% of the states water. Try running a business using only 34% of a resource you used to have and then imagine the knock on effects in the community. You've got whole towns dying out there due to the lack of water.

  11. Jacobs - Well, I'm happy to stand corrected, or at least accept a chastising on behalf of food producers.
    I still say that River should be allowed a cool shower for ten minutes (20!) because over a week it still won't equal the mega-blasting going on in the suburbs to keep the gardens alive for up to six hours a week.

  12. I've settled for a quick sluice to get the sweat and dust off, then sitting in front of the fan with a wet sheet wrapped around. It's amazingly cooling.

  13. Looks like I was wrong, it is actually a 48% allocation. My mistake.
    Agreed with your comments about the pouring of water onto gardens. Maybe we should all shower in the petunias.


An explanation of The Joy Division Litmus Test

Although it may now be lost in the mysts of thyme, the poll below is still relevant to this blog. In the winter of 2008, Mele and I went to live in Queensland. In order to survive, I bluffed my way into a job at a Coffee Club.
It was quite a reasonable place to work: the hours were regular, the staff were quite nice, it wasn't particularly taxing on my brain.
There were a few downsides: In the six weeks or so that I worked there, there was about a 90% staff turnover (contributed to by my leaving). This wasn't seen as a result of the low pay, the laughability of staff prices or the practice of not distributing tips to staff, rather it was blamed on the lack of work ethic among Bribie Island's youth.
However, one of the stranger aspects of the cultural isolation that touched our lives during our time "up there" was the fact that nobody at my work had heard of the band Joy Division.
The full explanation is available here.
But please, interact a little further and vote in my ongoing poll. The results are slowly mounting up, proving one thing: people read this blog are more well-informed about Joy Division than anyone who works at the Coffee Club on Bribie Island.

Have you heard of the band Joy Division?

Chinese food, not Chinese Internet!

Champions of Guess The Header

  • What is Guess The Header about? Let’s ask regular “Writing” reader, Shippy: "Anyway, after Franzy's stunning September, and having a crack at 'Guess The Header' for the first time - without truly knowing what I was doing mind you - I think I finally understand what 'GTH' is all about. At first I thought you needed to actually know what it was. Don't get me wrong — if you know what it is, it may help you. I now realise that it's more Franzy's way of invoking thought around an image or, more often than not, part of an image. If you dissect slightly the GTH explanatory sentence at the bottom of his blog you come up with this: “The photo is always taken by me and always connects in some way to the topic of the blog entry it heads up.” When the header is put up, the blog below it will in some obscure way have something to do with it. “Interesting comments are judged and scored arbitrarily and the process is open to corruption and bribery with all correspondence being entered into after the fact and on into eternity, ad infinitum amen.” Franzy judges it, but it's not always the GTH that describes the place perfectly that gets it. “The frequent commenters, the wits, the wags and the outright smartarses who, each entry, engage to both guess the origin and relevance of the strip of photo at the top (or “head”) of each new blog and also who leave what I deem the most interesting comment.” It generally helps if you're a complete smartarse and can twist things to mean whatever you feel they should mean - exactly the way Franzy would like things to be twisted." - Shippy Blogger and GTH point scorer.
  • Nai - 1
  • Lion Kinsman - 2
  • Will - 2
  • Brocky - 2
  • Andy Pants - 2
  • The 327th Male - 3
  • Mad Cat Lady - 3
  • Miles McClagen - 4
  • Myninjacockle - 4
  • Asheligh - 5
  • Neil - 5
  • Third Cat - 5
  • Adam Y - 6
  • Squib - 6
  • Mele - 6
  • Moifey - 7
  • Jono - 8
  • The Other, other Sam - 14
  • Kath Lockett - 15
  • Shippy - 19
  • River - 32