Friday, September 25, 2009

Franzy's stats indicate that...

... if an arsehole in a wallowy, neutered, gone-to-fat-but-still-taking-up-space four-wheel-drive cuts you off, doesn't let you in or runs over your dog because they were too busy rubbing their nipples with fluffy tufts of cotton wool teased from the padding with which they surround their brains and souls, they are 95% more likely to be driving a Toyota Kluger.


  1. ...and the other 5% are in Cayennes which is just obscene.

  2. Hmm. Must be a moneyed Melbournite thing. Did you know that Cayennes are around $200,000? Fortunately I hear that they are going to be superseded by the Panamera, which is not two metres tall, but still has all the Porsche features, including a small-mortgage sized price tag.

    The other car on my list is any 1990s or E-model Ford Falcon. Those arseholes are always flicking butts out of the window and crashing into stuff. Like my car.

  3. My daughter drove a Toyota Kluger, I loved riding in it. She's an excellent driver though, no bad habits there.

  4. And I hope, River, that your daughter actually needed it to tow something big behind it - ie a boat or caravan, or actually went off-road with it??

    And don't forget angry, fat, fifty-something blokes in white vans. They're the fellas who used their redundancy packages to buy courier businesses and are now bitter, impatient and leery.

  5. River - I'm sorry, but if I see a Kluger, I see an arsehole. I'm not always right and they don't always play to type (this could be your daughter), but that just makes me all the more suspicious.

    Kath - At least they're taking up my entire forward view for a reason. Klugers are the road-going equivalent of the busy obese lady in the supermarket aisle who stops dead centre to consider instant gravy packets (probably as a snack), forcing me to swerve to avoid getting butt-checked into the tomato cans.

  6. Yes Kath, my daughter lives in the hills at Crafers, her house was near the top of a particularly steep road, they also made many trips further out into the country visiting family and friends on properties, they also drove out to the Fleurieu Peninsula several times in it. As well as bringing the kids down to school in Adelaide daily, the car was often used as a work vehicle transporting tools and such. They now have a different Toyota.


An explanation of The Joy Division Litmus Test

Although it may now be lost in the mysts of thyme, the poll below is still relevant to this blog. In the winter of 2008, Mele and I went to live in Queensland. In order to survive, I bluffed my way into a job at a Coffee Club.
It was quite a reasonable place to work: the hours were regular, the staff were quite nice, it wasn't particularly taxing on my brain.
There were a few downsides: In the six weeks or so that I worked there, there was about a 90% staff turnover (contributed to by my leaving). This wasn't seen as a result of the low pay, the laughability of staff prices or the practice of not distributing tips to staff, rather it was blamed on the lack of work ethic among Bribie Island's youth.
However, one of the stranger aspects of the cultural isolation that touched our lives during our time "up there" was the fact that nobody at my work had heard of the band Joy Division.
The full explanation is available here.
But please, interact a little further and vote in my ongoing poll. The results are slowly mounting up, proving one thing: people read this blog are more well-informed about Joy Division than anyone who works at the Coffee Club on Bribie Island.

Have you heard of the band Joy Division?

Chinese food, not Chinese Internet!

Champions of Guess The Header

  • What is Guess The Header about? Let’s ask regular “Writing” reader, Shippy: "Anyway, after Franzy's stunning September, and having a crack at 'Guess The Header' for the first time - without truly knowing what I was doing mind you - I think I finally understand what 'GTH' is all about. At first I thought you needed to actually know what it was. Don't get me wrong — if you know what it is, it may help you. I now realise that it's more Franzy's way of invoking thought around an image or, more often than not, part of an image. If you dissect slightly the GTH explanatory sentence at the bottom of his blog you come up with this: “The photo is always taken by me and always connects in some way to the topic of the blog entry it heads up.” When the header is put up, the blog below it will in some obscure way have something to do with it. “Interesting comments are judged and scored arbitrarily and the process is open to corruption and bribery with all correspondence being entered into after the fact and on into eternity, ad infinitum amen.” Franzy judges it, but it's not always the GTH that describes the place perfectly that gets it. “The frequent commenters, the wits, the wags and the outright smartarses who, each entry, engage to both guess the origin and relevance of the strip of photo at the top (or “head”) of each new blog and also who leave what I deem the most interesting comment.” It generally helps if you're a complete smartarse and can twist things to mean whatever you feel they should mean - exactly the way Franzy would like things to be twisted." - Shippy Blogger and GTH point scorer.
  • Nai - 1
  • Lion Kinsman - 2
  • Will - 2
  • Brocky - 2
  • Andy Pants - 2
  • The 327th Male - 3
  • Mad Cat Lady - 3
  • Miles McClagen - 4
  • Myninjacockle - 4
  • Asheligh - 5
  • Neil - 5
  • Third Cat - 5
  • Adam Y - 6
  • Squib - 6
  • Mele - 6
  • Moifey - 7
  • Jono - 8
  • The Other, other Sam - 14
  • Kath Lockett - 15
  • Shippy - 19
  • River - 32