Monday, July 13, 2009

Like having an injection in reverse

They drill the wires into your bone using a hollow drill-bit and hammering the steel in. The Jurgen Balls are just for protection. The doctor had them off using a multi-tool clipped to his belt.
He pulled the wires out using just a pair of pliers from Bunnings bunged through an autoclave.
"Okay mate, just lie down here and hold still."
"No anaesthetic?"
"Nah. This is quite uncomfortable."
A tradesman who came through work recently knew all about K wires and Jurgen Balls because his wife had had some jammed down her finger-tip.
"She said getting it pulled it out was the single most painful experience of her life. And she's had two kids!"
"Thanks, mate. Just what I wanted to hear."
"Well, it was a bit infected ..."
The doctor gripped my wrist in one hand, tucked my arm under his and pulled the wire straight out of the bone like a stubborn wine cork. I almost expected to hear a 'pop' when the thing came out. I certainly felt like a drink afterwards. A pale-faced intern asked me if I was all right.
"I'm okay. Are you?"
"Not really," he admitted. "I think I might just go and sit down."
Which he then did.


  1. I'm not afraid of needles. I'll watch with curiosity while they stick me. Just don't make me watch someone else getting their shot. That I can't stand.

    Thankfully I've yet to experience pain greater than that which my imagination can conjure. I'm so glad I don't have a uterus.

  2. I took all the skin off my neck when I was 6ix in a rather worrying accident involving wire, and I still said ouch...

  3. Sooks, all of you.

    If you can't sit there an laugh at the pain you have to sometimes indure, then you have no right to have got yourself influenced by the pain in the first place.

    Ok, that was sarcasm, and sarcasm in writing seems to be very ineffective.

    I'm with Mr Kinsman on the uterus comment.

    P.s. Chicks dig scars Franzy, I hope there's at least something (a bone deformation) to show how badly you injured yourself..? I make sure all my knuckles produce a larger knuckle after encountering a hockey incident.

  4. Kath - Usually with those things if you're not sitting down beforehand, you are afterwards.

    Dan - My current pain champion is still the northern Queensland jellyfish tentacle wrapped around my neck.

    River - More like 'Ooahhwhatareyoudoinghehehehow'

    Miles - Good to see you! Sounds like someone was being a naughty boy ....

    Shippy - "you have no right to have got yourself influenced by the pain in the first place".
    I dare you to run around a few maternity wards yelling that.

    ps. No wonder your knuckles drag. Nope - no scars, just to pissweak dots I'm attempting to pass off as snake-bights.

  5. Oh yeah, wasn't meant to be relating to Birth.

    But it does raise the issue in the local rag/tv about the Epidural.


An explanation of The Joy Division Litmus Test

Although it may now be lost in the mysts of thyme, the poll below is still relevant to this blog. In the winter of 2008, Mele and I went to live in Queensland. In order to survive, I bluffed my way into a job at a Coffee Club.
It was quite a reasonable place to work: the hours were regular, the staff were quite nice, it wasn't particularly taxing on my brain.
There were a few downsides: In the six weeks or so that I worked there, there was about a 90% staff turnover (contributed to by my leaving). This wasn't seen as a result of the low pay, the laughability of staff prices or the practice of not distributing tips to staff, rather it was blamed on the lack of work ethic among Bribie Island's youth.
However, one of the stranger aspects of the cultural isolation that touched our lives during our time "up there" was the fact that nobody at my work had heard of the band Joy Division.
The full explanation is available here.
But please, interact a little further and vote in my ongoing poll. The results are slowly mounting up, proving one thing: people read this blog are more well-informed about Joy Division than anyone who works at the Coffee Club on Bribie Island.

Have you heard of the band Joy Division?

Chinese food, not Chinese Internet!

Champions of Guess The Header

  • What is Guess The Header about? Let’s ask regular “Writing” reader, Shippy: "Anyway, after Franzy's stunning September, and having a crack at 'Guess The Header' for the first time - without truly knowing what I was doing mind you - I think I finally understand what 'GTH' is all about. At first I thought you needed to actually know what it was. Don't get me wrong — if you know what it is, it may help you. I now realise that it's more Franzy's way of invoking thought around an image or, more often than not, part of an image. If you dissect slightly the GTH explanatory sentence at the bottom of his blog you come up with this: “The photo is always taken by me and always connects in some way to the topic of the blog entry it heads up.” When the header is put up, the blog below it will in some obscure way have something to do with it. “Interesting comments are judged and scored arbitrarily and the process is open to corruption and bribery with all correspondence being entered into after the fact and on into eternity, ad infinitum amen.” Franzy judges it, but it's not always the GTH that describes the place perfectly that gets it. “The frequent commenters, the wits, the wags and the outright smartarses who, each entry, engage to both guess the origin and relevance of the strip of photo at the top (or “head”) of each new blog and also who leave what I deem the most interesting comment.” It generally helps if you're a complete smartarse and can twist things to mean whatever you feel they should mean - exactly the way Franzy would like things to be twisted." - Shippy Blogger and GTH point scorer.
  • Nai - 1
  • Lion Kinsman - 2
  • Will - 2
  • Brocky - 2
  • Andy Pants - 2
  • The 327th Male - 3
  • Mad Cat Lady - 3
  • Miles McClagen - 4
  • Myninjacockle - 4
  • Asheligh - 5
  • Neil - 5
  • Third Cat - 5
  • Adam Y - 6
  • Squib - 6
  • Mele - 6
  • Moifey - 7
  • Jono - 8
  • The Other, other Sam - 14
  • Kath Lockett - 15
  • Shippy - 19
  • River - 32