Thursday, September 11, 2008

The squinty-eyed, jut-jawed handshakes which were gripped across the kitchen table that evening after we at last tumbled upon the Collins Shortened only to discover that the word 'automated' actually fulfilled the seemingly-opposing definitions defended as unassailable gospel by each hubristic generation were as meaningful as oil region peace accords, twice as tense and productive of a ceasefire over matters grammatical, syntactical and punctuational which possessed only a fraction of the tendency to longevity.


  1. So much information and only one full stop! I'm in awe. But what are the two meanings of automated, and which parent were you arguing with?

  2. Woah, easy Tiger! You've still got 19 days to go. Don't burn out too early.

  3. Jonathon - the word hubristic could be a clue...

  4. Crikey, son! If you could only put that mind of yours to good instead of evil....

  5. Jono - To be honest, these "discussions" come up so often that I've actually forgotten the minutia. I believe Generation 1 was campaigning for a meaning which pointed directly towards a mechanical/robotic definition, while Generation 2 was convinced that the application could be expanded to encompass more biological/philosophical occasions.

    Shippy - Settle down, son. You're in safe hands.

    Squib - Can I just say thank you, Larry because this has been my dream to come on this totally awesome show ever since I used to wag off school early from Science on Wednesdays, Phys Ed on Thursdays and Tuesdays and Maths Fridays and Mondays just so I could catch the early bus with the weirdos from the hospital which brought me to the closer bus stop so that I could make it home in time to play Guess The Cost Of The Washer with all the audience members and cheer along with my thumbs up and down, yelling 'Swap!' and 'Stay!' and chewing my lip along with contestants as we all tried to win a vicarious car and whitegoods package so that for nine milliseconds when someone did win we could all scream and shout on the inside so that we didn't have to think about the broken fanbelts which hobbled both washer and automobile at my place which was the reason I caught the bus home early all the time anyway?

    Neil - As could the phrase 'jut-jawed' ...

    Kath - Never!

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  7. Can you repeat those sentences without taking a breath?

    Automated is me at the checkout on a bad day. The hands are making the motions but the rest of me just isn't there.

  8. Squib - Blogger actually sends me all the comments that get posted, regardless of whether you delete them!
    And may I say, with a slight shade of shame, that I've seen TPIR, but I'm yet to read HJ.

    River - Excellent, River. Excellent. I can see you are on the side of the correct generation ...


An explanation of The Joy Division Litmus Test

Although it may now be lost in the mysts of thyme, the poll below is still relevant to this blog. In the winter of 2008, Mele and I went to live in Queensland. In order to survive, I bluffed my way into a job at a Coffee Club.
It was quite a reasonable place to work: the hours were regular, the staff were quite nice, it wasn't particularly taxing on my brain.
There were a few downsides: In the six weeks or so that I worked there, there was about a 90% staff turnover (contributed to by my leaving). This wasn't seen as a result of the low pay, the laughability of staff prices or the practice of not distributing tips to staff, rather it was blamed on the lack of work ethic among Bribie Island's youth.
However, one of the stranger aspects of the cultural isolation that touched our lives during our time "up there" was the fact that nobody at my work had heard of the band Joy Division.
The full explanation is available here.
But please, interact a little further and vote in my ongoing poll. The results are slowly mounting up, proving one thing: people read this blog are more well-informed about Joy Division than anyone who works at the Coffee Club on Bribie Island.

Have you heard of the band Joy Division?

Chinese food, not Chinese Internet!

Champions of Guess The Header

  • What is Guess The Header about? Let’s ask regular “Writing” reader, Shippy: "Anyway, after Franzy's stunning September, and having a crack at 'Guess The Header' for the first time - without truly knowing what I was doing mind you - I think I finally understand what 'GTH' is all about. At first I thought you needed to actually know what it was. Don't get me wrong — if you know what it is, it may help you. I now realise that it's more Franzy's way of invoking thought around an image or, more often than not, part of an image. If you dissect slightly the GTH explanatory sentence at the bottom of his blog you come up with this: “The photo is always taken by me and always connects in some way to the topic of the blog entry it heads up.” When the header is put up, the blog below it will in some obscure way have something to do with it. “Interesting comments are judged and scored arbitrarily and the process is open to corruption and bribery with all correspondence being entered into after the fact and on into eternity, ad infinitum amen.” Franzy judges it, but it's not always the GTH that describes the place perfectly that gets it. “The frequent commenters, the wits, the wags and the outright smartarses who, each entry, engage to both guess the origin and relevance of the strip of photo at the top (or “head”) of each new blog and also who leave what I deem the most interesting comment.” It generally helps if you're a complete smartarse and can twist things to mean whatever you feel they should mean - exactly the way Franzy would like things to be twisted." - Shippy Blogger and GTH point scorer.
  • Nai - 1
  • Lion Kinsman - 2
  • Will - 2
  • Brocky - 2
  • Andy Pants - 2
  • The 327th Male - 3
  • Mad Cat Lady - 3
  • Miles McClagen - 4
  • Myninjacockle - 4
  • Asheligh - 5
  • Neil - 5
  • Third Cat - 5
  • Adam Y - 6
  • Squib - 6
  • Mele - 6
  • Moifey - 7
  • Jono - 8
  • The Other, other Sam - 14
  • Kath Lockett - 15
  • Shippy - 19
  • River - 32