Friday, September 12, 2008

Then there was the time I decided to spice up the beef stir fry with some cumin and discovered just how poorly the edge of your vision is able to distinguish between the words 'cumin' and 'cinnamon' when you are rifling through the spice cupboard with one eye on an ex-non-stick fry pan.


  1. And thus, a hilarious sitcom episode took shape?

    It's got all the ingredients! (Oh stop it, Channel 9 voice over man)

  2. When my mum teaches her students the difference between tea and table spoons I am the cited example due to a famous incident regarding baking soda and a banana cake.

  3. CINNAMON should never, repeat, NEVER be in your spice rack with the savoury ones you use on your stove top.

    Instead it should be hidden in your cupboard or pantry, dust-covered, next to the bicarb soda, custard powder and 'cream of tartar' that you can't even remember buying.

    Nice to see that your sentences are now increasing in length in your second week.

  4. Ya hafta separate ya spices! Sweet to the left of the cupboard, savoury/spicy/hot to the other side. Or ask your kitchen partner to please find you the cumin while you stirfry the beef....
    How did the cinnamon beef taste?

  5. Huh? Cinnamon should be hidden? Why please Kath.? Don't you use it for anything at all?

  6. Miles - Just whhhen yyyou thought you knew the perils of your own kitchen ... tune in at 6:30 tonight to find out!

    I've probably mentioned this before, but I have a recurring, deeply-sexual fantasy about listening to the male and female voice over artists from Channel Ten having loud, demonstrative, angry sex.

    Oooh yeah ...

    Brocky - Ah. Thanks, Mum.

    Kath - Fuck me! Spice rack? Savoury spices? Well la dee da Mademoiselle Lawson! I've never had a spice rack! I just have to make sure I win the inevitably enormous argument which occurs at each new house which allows me to put the spices and sauceson the shelf above the stove, instead of hidden across the room in a tidy little cupboard.
    This house however, only had one of those cupboards, so at least I was there first and able to move all my stuff in to where I liked ...

    River - And same to you! Separating spices? Who ever heard of such things? That's what the labels are for. Or should be for.
    I plastered the beef with more sambal oelek, soy and ginger and most of the taste came out.
    Most of it ...

  7. you were in the unenviable position to confirm that:

    we'll build our walls of aluminium
    we'll fill our mouths with cinnamon

    was just poetic license by The Decemberists in their song 'Sons and Daughters' and neither is actually a structurally sound, nor culinarily wise, move.

  8. Tune in tonight for the spicy new comedy with all the right ingredients! The Mixing Bowl, tonight on 10...

    Then Corrinne Grant pushes a blue dot, and a press release comes out saying although no one watched, the 18-39 demographic was through the roof.

    That's how it works innit?

  9. Isn't Cinnamon just one of the five spices in 5-spice powder?

    You could have just up'ed the stakes with the other 4, thrown in some more beef and viola!

    Dinner saved!

    ...Just refrigerate what's left to eat for the next two weeks...

  10. Miles - At the sexy new time of 9:30!

    TooS - With the benefit of hindsight and without the curse of jumping around the kitchen yelling "fuck oh fuck my fucking dinner tastes like fucking doughnuts", that would have been a great idea.

  11. I love any reference to the sexy new time...I swear one night I saw a Channel 9 ad that referred to Curb Your Enthusiasm being on at the sexy new time of 1am...

    Your late night comedy double...

  12. Thanks, Channel Nine!
    Remind me again why being up watching poorly scheduled comedy at 1am is sexy?

    Kath - Nothing. if you like beefy, beefy doughnuts.

  13. Spices stored above the stove deteriorate and become tasteless faster due to the heat generated by cooking and/or steam. Ditto spices stored on or near a sunny windowsill, a popular place for those tiny spice racks which first appeared in the 70's or thereabouts.
    Better you should learn to glance at the label of whichever jar you've grabbed before adding the contents to food.

  14. Who can't admit to making a few mistakes while cooking?

    My sister one day was trying to make mashed potato more interesting by adding food colour - she picked up the vanilla essence instead - painful eating.

    I tend to triple check all spices right at the last minute and in the end, it doesn't matter how much of one you put in; if it tastes funny, simply add more of another spice.


An explanation of The Joy Division Litmus Test

Although it may now be lost in the mysts of thyme, the poll below is still relevant to this blog. In the winter of 2008, Mele and I went to live in Queensland. In order to survive, I bluffed my way into a job at a Coffee Club.
It was quite a reasonable place to work: the hours were regular, the staff were quite nice, it wasn't particularly taxing on my brain.
There were a few downsides: In the six weeks or so that I worked there, there was about a 90% staff turnover (contributed to by my leaving). This wasn't seen as a result of the low pay, the laughability of staff prices or the practice of not distributing tips to staff, rather it was blamed on the lack of work ethic among Bribie Island's youth.
However, one of the stranger aspects of the cultural isolation that touched our lives during our time "up there" was the fact that nobody at my work had heard of the band Joy Division.
The full explanation is available here.
But please, interact a little further and vote in my ongoing poll. The results are slowly mounting up, proving one thing: people read this blog are more well-informed about Joy Division than anyone who works at the Coffee Club on Bribie Island.

Have you heard of the band Joy Division?

Chinese food, not Chinese Internet!

Champions of Guess The Header

  • What is Guess The Header about? Let’s ask regular “Writing” reader, Shippy: "Anyway, after Franzy's stunning September, and having a crack at 'Guess The Header' for the first time - without truly knowing what I was doing mind you - I think I finally understand what 'GTH' is all about. At first I thought you needed to actually know what it was. Don't get me wrong — if you know what it is, it may help you. I now realise that it's more Franzy's way of invoking thought around an image or, more often than not, part of an image. If you dissect slightly the GTH explanatory sentence at the bottom of his blog you come up with this: “The photo is always taken by me and always connects in some way to the topic of the blog entry it heads up.” When the header is put up, the blog below it will in some obscure way have something to do with it. “Interesting comments are judged and scored arbitrarily and the process is open to corruption and bribery with all correspondence being entered into after the fact and on into eternity, ad infinitum amen.” Franzy judges it, but it's not always the GTH that describes the place perfectly that gets it. “The frequent commenters, the wits, the wags and the outright smartarses who, each entry, engage to both guess the origin and relevance of the strip of photo at the top (or “head”) of each new blog and also who leave what I deem the most interesting comment.” It generally helps if you're a complete smartarse and can twist things to mean whatever you feel they should mean - exactly the way Franzy would like things to be twisted." - Shippy Blogger and GTH point scorer.
  • Nai - 1
  • Lion Kinsman - 2
  • Will - 2
  • Brocky - 2
  • Andy Pants - 2
  • The 327th Male - 3
  • Mad Cat Lady - 3
  • Miles McClagen - 4
  • Myninjacockle - 4
  • Asheligh - 5
  • Neil - 5
  • Third Cat - 5
  • Adam Y - 6
  • Squib - 6
  • Mele - 6
  • Moifey - 7
  • Jono - 8
  • The Other, other Sam - 14
  • Kath Lockett - 15
  • Shippy - 19
  • River - 32