Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Do my work for me!

A very dear friend of mine runs a physiotherapy practice and, as I ply him for free physio, he has returned the compliment and asked me for advice concerning a catchy slogan for some advertising. And when he says "advice" I assume he means "finished products", just as when I take another sip of beer and casually begin a conversation regarding any kind physiological problem I may or may not be experiencing, I actually just want a really good back rub.
So, not wanting to put my bush under light (or however that saying goes) I will be airing out my best ideas here and asking you, my five loyal readers to tell me (and him) which one is the best:
  • Don't get punched by any old donkey. Active Bodies Physiotherapy.
  • Active Bodies Physiotherapy. We knead your meat.
  • For easy movement, Active Bodies Physiotherapy. Like nine litres of prune juice.
  • To crack back into the pack or just crack your back, back a cracker back-cracker. Active Bodies Physiotherapy.
  • If it ain't broke ... get it checked up anyway at Active Bodies Physiotherapy. (If it is broke, get a referral from the emergency department).
  • Back straight! Shoulders back! Good girl. Active Bodies Physiotherapy.
  • Can't touch your toes? Active Bodies Physiotherapy. Or a lucky parole hearing.
  • 10 reps. 4 sets. 3 muscle groups. 5 machines. Active Bodies Physiotherapy doesn't lose count.
  • Lucky shirt, lucky protein, lucky bottle, lucky routine. Active Bodies Physiotherapy: the sensible alternative to poetry-based health and fitness.
  • Are you still whinging about your shoulder? Active Bodies Physiotherapy.
  • Sore wrist, eh? Active Bodies Physiotherapy.
  • Active Bodies Physiotherapy. We won't laugh.
  • You look tense. Have a seat. Active Bodies Physiotherapy.
  • Active Bodies Physiotherapy. We'll squeeze that little knot until it hurts like hell.
  • You bring your body, we'll bring the instructions. Active Bodies Physiotherapy.
  • Active Bodies Physiotherapy. I had no idea it was that stiff.
  • No magnets. No mirrors. Some rubbing. Active Bodies Physiotherapy.
  • Active Bodies Physiotherapy. Because it shouldn't hurt like that.
  • Get the movement you need. Without the fibre. Active Bodies Physiotherapy.
  • Active Bodies Physiotherapy. We're not just for wussy footballers.
  • Get it popped right back in. Active Bodies Physiotherapy.
  • Active Bodies Physiotherapy. We can be very manipulative.
  • Active Bodies Physiotherapy. This won't hurt a bit.
  • Your movement is our message. Active Bodies Physiotherapy.
  • Get a good rub and tug. Active Bodies Physiotherapy.
You may be able to tell that it is becoming late and the metaphors have reduced themselves to poo jokes and masturbation gags. Vote accordingly. Or suggest better. Winning suggestion receives a prize.

GTH - Adam Y again with the eyebrowing-raising cultural reference. Me like. River gets an encouragement point because I get the feeling she is refusing to have a guess any more just in case someone gets jealous of her massive and formidable score. The photo is, in fact, the tourist information centre in the Redwood forests of Yosemite National Park.


  1. *Reads "Don't get punched by any old donkey"... continues to laugh and snort*

    Seriously, I quite liked "You look tense. Have a seat"... it's the sort of thing that puts me at ease.

    The best I can come up with is:

    Active Bodies Physiotherapy – you'll be right back.

    SOT: A musician friend of mine, let's call him Steve, has suffered from a severe wrist problem for the last couple of years... he refers to it as a 'spakuwrist'...

  2. Methinks your future is in advertising.

    GTH has left me momentarily speechless for now.....

  3. That can only be the fine painted ass of said Physiotherapist. Proudly displayed in the recreational quarters of Murph-Manor (His former abode/secret-lair).

    I like "We knead Your Meat". It is inspired.

    I'm amazed you didn't think of:
    "ABP: You pull it, we rub it"
    "ABP: Dudes go deeper"
    "ABP: Your strain is our gain"
    "ABP: No; that rule only applies to Doctors - I CAN date my patients"

    "Someone" will get jealous of Rivers high GTH score? I appreciate your hesitance to name-and-shame...

    Peace out!

  4. I agree with the other, other Sam, "We Knead Your Meat" is definitely inspired. I also like his suggestion "Your Strain is Our Gain"
    I'm not good at thinking up slogans, so my choices from your list are:- "Are You Still Whinging About Your Shoulder" and "Because It Shouldn't Hurt Like That"
    GTH:would that be the phamous physio kneading his meat?

  5. "Active Bodies Physiotherapy. We're not just for wussy footballers."

    Appeals to many, including all footballers, none of them think they are wussy.


    "Active Bodies Physiotherapy; your back, our hands, some lotion, a private room..."

    GTH: Said Phisio's asset.

  6. Bit off the cuff, but I can't go past 'Get a good rub and tug.'

    My suggestion:

    Physios give you stretches, we just fix you.

  7. Adam_y; shouldn't it be "You'll be back - right?

    Franzy - I think its 'Hide your bush under a lycra'

  8. Ooh, I just thought of a jingle for your advertising campaign:

    "My Neck, My Back" by Khia.

    I think it is appropriate on many levels...

    You could just play that song over the top of an image of Trit standing, arms crossed, beneath a ABP sign.



An explanation of The Joy Division Litmus Test

Although it may now be lost in the mysts of thyme, the poll below is still relevant to this blog. In the winter of 2008, Mele and I went to live in Queensland. In order to survive, I bluffed my way into a job at a Coffee Club.
It was quite a reasonable place to work: the hours were regular, the staff were quite nice, it wasn't particularly taxing on my brain.
There were a few downsides: In the six weeks or so that I worked there, there was about a 90% staff turnover (contributed to by my leaving). This wasn't seen as a result of the low pay, the laughability of staff prices or the practice of not distributing tips to staff, rather it was blamed on the lack of work ethic among Bribie Island's youth.
However, one of the stranger aspects of the cultural isolation that touched our lives during our time "up there" was the fact that nobody at my work had heard of the band Joy Division.
The full explanation is available here.
But please, interact a little further and vote in my ongoing poll. The results are slowly mounting up, proving one thing: people read this blog are more well-informed about Joy Division than anyone who works at the Coffee Club on Bribie Island.

Have you heard of the band Joy Division?

Chinese food, not Chinese Internet!

Champions of Guess The Header

  • What is Guess The Header about? Let’s ask regular “Writing” reader, Shippy: "Anyway, after Franzy's stunning September, and having a crack at 'Guess The Header' for the first time - without truly knowing what I was doing mind you - I think I finally understand what 'GTH' is all about. At first I thought you needed to actually know what it was. Don't get me wrong — if you know what it is, it may help you. I now realise that it's more Franzy's way of invoking thought around an image or, more often than not, part of an image. If you dissect slightly the GTH explanatory sentence at the bottom of his blog you come up with this: “The photo is always taken by me and always connects in some way to the topic of the blog entry it heads up.” When the header is put up, the blog below it will in some obscure way have something to do with it. “Interesting comments are judged and scored arbitrarily and the process is open to corruption and bribery with all correspondence being entered into after the fact and on into eternity, ad infinitum amen.” Franzy judges it, but it's not always the GTH that describes the place perfectly that gets it. “The frequent commenters, the wits, the wags and the outright smartarses who, each entry, engage to both guess the origin and relevance of the strip of photo at the top (or “head”) of each new blog and also who leave what I deem the most interesting comment.” It generally helps if you're a complete smartarse and can twist things to mean whatever you feel they should mean - exactly the way Franzy would like things to be twisted." - Shippy Blogger and GTH point scorer.
  • Nai - 1
  • Lion Kinsman - 2
  • Will - 2
  • Brocky - 2
  • Andy Pants - 2
  • The 327th Male - 3
  • Mad Cat Lady - 3
  • Miles McClagen - 4
  • Myninjacockle - 4
  • Asheligh - 5
  • Neil - 5
  • Third Cat - 5
  • Adam Y - 6
  • Squib - 6
  • Mele - 6
  • Moifey - 7
  • Jono - 8
  • The Other, other Sam - 14
  • Kath Lockett - 15
  • Shippy - 19
  • River - 32