Friday, January 21, 2011

Harsh language?

Bumper sticker:

You'd be speaking Japanese right now"

I do realise the value of bumper stickers as political statements, but this one seems to transcend politics and challenge the very tennets of logic itself. The primary argument, that we, Australia, were able to defend ourselves from the Japanese during WWII using guns has the usual, run-of-the-mill, redneck fantasy about it and the traditional arguments apply:
  • Guns were only used by the military.
  • No hand to hand combat was used in the campaign (was it? I dunno).
  • The Japanese would have been fucked anyway, trying to conquer a landmass that's mostly desert with bullets.
  • Etc.
No, I'm interested in the premise explored in the sticker which posits that guns existing in the first place is a innate positive. Japan had guns, therefore, Australia has guns. However, if no guns exist at all, Australia has no guns with which to defend itself but neither does Japan. The portable projectile delivery system does not exist. This begs the beautifully creative question: if no such invention existed, what does Japan use instead?

Ponderous, man.


  1. Clearly the person hasn't moved on since 1945 but it does remind me of the 'I shoot and I vote' stickers that were around shortly after the Port Arthur massacre in 1996. Despite the seriousness of the matter (and the gun hand-in was the only thing that John Howard did that I ever agreed with), having a statement like that on the back of a car window had about as much relevance as 'I fart and I vote.' Truly ponderous.

  2. Ninjas armed with samurai swords.

    I prefer funny bumper stickers. Most political ones aren't funny.

  3. I usually find "I believe in something stupid" bumper stickers to be incredibly funny - like getting a tattoo of a unicorn on your chest: took some thought, but nothing serious and now you look like a complete dick.

  4. I like the reference to 'Alien'. If it wasn't for guns we'd all be Alien egg nests right now!!!

  5. Anon - I am shamed. I have no idea what the reference to Alien is, but I agree with you wholeheartedly!


An explanation of The Joy Division Litmus Test

Although it may now be lost in the mysts of thyme, the poll below is still relevant to this blog. In the winter of 2008, Mele and I went to live in Queensland. In order to survive, I bluffed my way into a job at a Coffee Club.
It was quite a reasonable place to work: the hours were regular, the staff were quite nice, it wasn't particularly taxing on my brain.
There were a few downsides: In the six weeks or so that I worked there, there was about a 90% staff turnover (contributed to by my leaving). This wasn't seen as a result of the low pay, the laughability of staff prices or the practice of not distributing tips to staff, rather it was blamed on the lack of work ethic among Bribie Island's youth.
However, one of the stranger aspects of the cultural isolation that touched our lives during our time "up there" was the fact that nobody at my work had heard of the band Joy Division.
The full explanation is available here.
But please, interact a little further and vote in my ongoing poll. The results are slowly mounting up, proving one thing: people read this blog are more well-informed about Joy Division than anyone who works at the Coffee Club on Bribie Island.

Have you heard of the band Joy Division?

Chinese food, not Chinese Internet!

Champions of Guess The Header

  • What is Guess The Header about? Let’s ask regular “Writing” reader, Shippy: "Anyway, after Franzy's stunning September, and having a crack at 'Guess The Header' for the first time - without truly knowing what I was doing mind you - I think I finally understand what 'GTH' is all about. At first I thought you needed to actually know what it was. Don't get me wrong — if you know what it is, it may help you. I now realise that it's more Franzy's way of invoking thought around an image or, more often than not, part of an image. If you dissect slightly the GTH explanatory sentence at the bottom of his blog you come up with this: “The photo is always taken by me and always connects in some way to the topic of the blog entry it heads up.” When the header is put up, the blog below it will in some obscure way have something to do with it. “Interesting comments are judged and scored arbitrarily and the process is open to corruption and bribery with all correspondence being entered into after the fact and on into eternity, ad infinitum amen.” Franzy judges it, but it's not always the GTH that describes the place perfectly that gets it. “The frequent commenters, the wits, the wags and the outright smartarses who, each entry, engage to both guess the origin and relevance of the strip of photo at the top (or “head”) of each new blog and also who leave what I deem the most interesting comment.” It generally helps if you're a complete smartarse and can twist things to mean whatever you feel they should mean - exactly the way Franzy would like things to be twisted." - Shippy Blogger and GTH point scorer.
  • Nai - 1
  • Lion Kinsman - 2
  • Will - 2
  • Brocky - 2
  • Andy Pants - 2
  • The 327th Male - 3
  • Mad Cat Lady - 3
  • Miles McClagen - 4
  • Myninjacockle - 4
  • Asheligh - 5
  • Neil - 5
  • Third Cat - 5
  • Adam Y - 6
  • Squib - 6
  • Mele - 6
  • Moifey - 7
  • Jono - 8
  • The Other, other Sam - 14
  • Kath Lockett - 15
  • Shippy - 19
  • River - 32