Monday, October 19, 2009


trying to pick up a heavy bag which sitting on its own strap
sinking into the couch only to realise that the controller is over ..................................there
subtitles are too fuzzy
this coffee is burnt
so's the milk
three precious hours in which to study, half an hour reading internet comics, half an hour installing some bloody update
sunnies aren't dirty, that's a scratch
headphone cord gets caught and pulls at my ears
all this poetry is pretty much unreadably tedious
shin + bedpost
either no one's listening to me or I'm talking across the top of everyone
the more comfortable the pillow, the more likely it is to be bin night
the unblogworthy drollery of the suburban 9 to 5
blowfly + oriface
i'm just trying to eat my lunch and read my book I'm not really interested in donating five minutes of that to chit-chat
why won't Australian Top Gear read my blogs and hire me as a writer


  1. Listening to a recording of yourself playing the cello, realising that you'll probably need another 1.5 years of hard work before you will not sound awful.

  2. With me it's usually toe + bedpost or shoulder + door jamb as I wander to and from the bathroom after dark without turning lights on....
    And those idiots who insist on starting a conversation when I'm clearly deeply into the book I'm reading....get lost, all of you...

  3. You do the work, someone else takes the credit.

    Watching my grunting box of a television set, while baby bonuses around Australia are spent on LCDs that dwarf my outdated creation from the ice age (2001).

    Buying a copy of the highly regarded Advertiser to realise that its language is sometimes bland and its stories are quite brief.

  4. Oh Sweetie, if I ever won lotto, I'd hire you in a heart beat!

    Famous alterna-dictionary meaning for shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

    Mine: reading a blog written by an utter wanker of a food writer (with chocolate sometimes mentioned) who loves saying he's unpretentious but in the next breath informs us that he's dined at the editor of the Gourmet Traveller's current favourite Sydney cafe THREE times this week. And he lives in Melbourne, has 2500 subscribers to his blog and paid advertising. Grrrrr....

  5. Shippy - Don't worry, mate. Charlie's cash is being spent on Charlie related things like toys and car seats. Sometimes we digust ourselves with how sensible we are.

    Mind you, our TV is a fantastic widescreen hand-me-down. CRT, non-HD, but still ...

    Kath - YES!!! Got it in writing: "If Kath wins lotto, she will take over funding and production of Top Gear and hire me". SCORE!
    Shin def = GOLD.
    Little toe definition: the appendix of the foot. It is unnecessary and only noticed when in extreme pain.

    Why don't you interview said blogger?

  6. Then interview the wanker!
    Let his wankerishness wank for itself.

  7. ...well I met a journo the other day who knows said wanker.

    After a glass of wine and a few shared laughs I mentioned the wanker's name and say 'Hey Dan, is ____ a wanker or is it just me?' and he said, 'No, he's a wanker alright.'

    Expose might be on the cards.....

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An explanation of The Joy Division Litmus Test

Although it may now be lost in the mysts of thyme, the poll below is still relevant to this blog. In the winter of 2008, Mele and I went to live in Queensland. In order to survive, I bluffed my way into a job at a Coffee Club.
It was quite a reasonable place to work: the hours were regular, the staff were quite nice, it wasn't particularly taxing on my brain.
There were a few downsides: In the six weeks or so that I worked there, there was about a 90% staff turnover (contributed to by my leaving). This wasn't seen as a result of the low pay, the laughability of staff prices or the practice of not distributing tips to staff, rather it was blamed on the lack of work ethic among Bribie Island's youth.
However, one of the stranger aspects of the cultural isolation that touched our lives during our time "up there" was the fact that nobody at my work had heard of the band Joy Division.
The full explanation is available here.
But please, interact a little further and vote in my ongoing poll. The results are slowly mounting up, proving one thing: people read this blog are more well-informed about Joy Division than anyone who works at the Coffee Club on Bribie Island.

Have you heard of the band Joy Division?

Chinese food, not Chinese Internet!

Champions of Guess The Header

  • What is Guess The Header about? Let’s ask regular “Writing” reader, Shippy: "Anyway, after Franzy's stunning September, and having a crack at 'Guess The Header' for the first time - without truly knowing what I was doing mind you - I think I finally understand what 'GTH' is all about. At first I thought you needed to actually know what it was. Don't get me wrong — if you know what it is, it may help you. I now realise that it's more Franzy's way of invoking thought around an image or, more often than not, part of an image. If you dissect slightly the GTH explanatory sentence at the bottom of his blog you come up with this: “The photo is always taken by me and always connects in some way to the topic of the blog entry it heads up.” When the header is put up, the blog below it will in some obscure way have something to do with it. “Interesting comments are judged and scored arbitrarily and the process is open to corruption and bribery with all correspondence being entered into after the fact and on into eternity, ad infinitum amen.” Franzy judges it, but it's not always the GTH that describes the place perfectly that gets it. “The frequent commenters, the wits, the wags and the outright smartarses who, each entry, engage to both guess the origin and relevance of the strip of photo at the top (or “head”) of each new blog and also who leave what I deem the most interesting comment.” It generally helps if you're a complete smartarse and can twist things to mean whatever you feel they should mean - exactly the way Franzy would like things to be twisted." - Shippy Blogger and GTH point scorer.
  • Nai - 1
  • Lion Kinsman - 2
  • Will - 2
  • Brocky - 2
  • Andy Pants - 2
  • The 327th Male - 3
  • Mad Cat Lady - 3
  • Miles McClagen - 4
  • Myninjacockle - 4
  • Asheligh - 5
  • Neil - 5
  • Third Cat - 5
  • Adam Y - 6
  • Squib - 6
  • Mele - 6
  • Moifey - 7
  • Jono - 8
  • The Other, other Sam - 14
  • Kath Lockett - 15
  • Shippy - 19
  • River - 32