Sunday, May 10, 2009

Having returned from my life among the wolf tribes of Mt Lofty

Let it be known that on Saturday the 9th of May, 2009, I officially became a man.
Did I grow pubes?
Kill a rhino?
Build a house?
Back a trailer?


I fixed a mower.

Throttle kept flipping shut so I took the carby apart and stuck a screwdriver in there to give it enough air to tick over, then I had to screw the bloody thing back together while it was running.

Then I mowed the fuckin' lawn.

GTH - River, for being funny. TOos for being funny. Shippy gets a consolation point for not taking home the Nintendo.


  1. I hope you then went inside and had a cold VB and belched. Louder than the lawnmower.

    GTH - Me Man. You Woman. Come inside cave before I club you. (and she did, didn't she?)

  2. I feel glad now that in giving you a decrepit old lawnmower, I gave you this opportunity.

    Good work old chum. Pretty soon you'll be replacing timing belts and killing bobcats with your bare hands.

  3. Kath - Actually, the sad appendix to this story is that on the way home from the bottleo that night, in high spirits over my mastery of the mower, the cardboard of my six pack had soaked through and ripped wetly from my fingers.
    I literally just stood there, staring at this foaming puddle of beer and broken glass and almost undid all of my afternoon's work by breaking down in tears of anguish and regret. Instead I salvaged the four brave remaining soldiers and swept the remaining shards of glass off of the footpath with an old Messenger, all the time filled with self-reproach that I had become the thing I hate: one of those pricks responsible for the bits of smashed beer bottle around the streets.

    Dan - Yeah thanks buddy. No bobcats for me - I don't bid on ebay for xkcd.

  4. I hope you tried kicking it to begin with? It doesn't work everytime...

    Oh, and ebay, don't get me started. Who has an ebay auction ending on a friday/saturday/sunday night, it just makes no sense..?

    GTH: Dress as a something starting with C party - Cave people, at least you didn't dress as a Cop and then try to actually do police things when a crime occurred (Link). Reminds me of the ol' "Gogs" TV show - you know a 5 minute plasticine show where no english is spoken ever, other than the manly "org", "urg", and "Og"'s. Man, I got to see if I can get those shows, they're great.

  5. I love the post-script.

    "He was also made to forfeit his police badge."

    I wonder if they made him hand over his plastic gun?

  6. You fixed a mower? Well done. My first husband used to just go out and buy a new one. He was hell on machinery. Probably still is. Couldn't fix anything mechanical.
    Sorry about your beer though. Maybe next time carry a bag to put it in?
    Hey Shippy, I remember "Gogs", they were pretty funny.

  7. I just noticed the "would you like a little cereal" line. Are you giving Charlie cereal now?

    GTH:-Caveman:what should I bring home for dinner dear? Mastodon? Sabretooth tiger?
    Cavewoman:how about one of those woolly mammoths? Plenty of meat on one of them and you know your brother is bringing his clan for dinner. And the leftovers make wonderful stew. Go-hunt. I'll start digging the new fire-pit.

  8. Shippy - My my. That were hilarious.

    River - No. The line may require further thought and/or investigation.

    Caveman: One mammoth? Leftovers? You haven't been around here long have you?


An explanation of The Joy Division Litmus Test

Although it may now be lost in the mysts of thyme, the poll below is still relevant to this blog. In the winter of 2008, Mele and I went to live in Queensland. In order to survive, I bluffed my way into a job at a Coffee Club.
It was quite a reasonable place to work: the hours were regular, the staff were quite nice, it wasn't particularly taxing on my brain.
There were a few downsides: In the six weeks or so that I worked there, there was about a 90% staff turnover (contributed to by my leaving). This wasn't seen as a result of the low pay, the laughability of staff prices or the practice of not distributing tips to staff, rather it was blamed on the lack of work ethic among Bribie Island's youth.
However, one of the stranger aspects of the cultural isolation that touched our lives during our time "up there" was the fact that nobody at my work had heard of the band Joy Division.
The full explanation is available here.
But please, interact a little further and vote in my ongoing poll. The results are slowly mounting up, proving one thing: people read this blog are more well-informed about Joy Division than anyone who works at the Coffee Club on Bribie Island.

Have you heard of the band Joy Division?

Chinese food, not Chinese Internet!

Champions of Guess The Header

  • What is Guess The Header about? Let’s ask regular “Writing” reader, Shippy: "Anyway, after Franzy's stunning September, and having a crack at 'Guess The Header' for the first time - without truly knowing what I was doing mind you - I think I finally understand what 'GTH' is all about. At first I thought you needed to actually know what it was. Don't get me wrong — if you know what it is, it may help you. I now realise that it's more Franzy's way of invoking thought around an image or, more often than not, part of an image. If you dissect slightly the GTH explanatory sentence at the bottom of his blog you come up with this: “The photo is always taken by me and always connects in some way to the topic of the blog entry it heads up.” When the header is put up, the blog below it will in some obscure way have something to do with it. “Interesting comments are judged and scored arbitrarily and the process is open to corruption and bribery with all correspondence being entered into after the fact and on into eternity, ad infinitum amen.” Franzy judges it, but it's not always the GTH that describes the place perfectly that gets it. “The frequent commenters, the wits, the wags and the outright smartarses who, each entry, engage to both guess the origin and relevance of the strip of photo at the top (or “head”) of each new blog and also who leave what I deem the most interesting comment.” It generally helps if you're a complete smartarse and can twist things to mean whatever you feel they should mean - exactly the way Franzy would like things to be twisted." - Shippy Blogger and GTH point scorer.
  • Nai - 1
  • Lion Kinsman - 2
  • Will - 2
  • Brocky - 2
  • Andy Pants - 2
  • The 327th Male - 3
  • Mad Cat Lady - 3
  • Miles McClagen - 4
  • Myninjacockle - 4
  • Asheligh - 5
  • Neil - 5
  • Third Cat - 5
  • Adam Y - 6
  • Squib - 6
  • Mele - 6
  • Moifey - 7
  • Jono - 8
  • The Other, other Sam - 14
  • Kath Lockett - 15
  • Shippy - 19
  • River - 32