Ahm gonna payda reynt.
An then she wuz so nais!
Lawd she wa' lubbydubby.
The sound of my phone ringing has always made me apprehensive. I hate to be the one without the info. I hate it when the tingle goes up and it could change your life. The wait after a job interview is in the top ten worst times for a phone to ring. At least when you get the little white letter, you know what's up before you answer the call.But when the phone rings it could go either way.
Or it could also be a telemarketer. Especially at 5:15pm on a Wednesday.
"Hello, Franzy speaking."
"Hello Franzy, it's Mr Employer here. How are you?"
"I'm well." (gather strength, take deep breath). "How are you?"
"I'm fine, thank you. Would you like the good news, or the bad news?"
(Cover mouthpiece to muffle audible groan. Fail to muffle audible groan). "Uhmn. Gimme the bad news."
"The bad news is, my friend ... that you have the job."
(Access mental replay. Confirm information. Thrust fist in air). "What? That's great! Fantastic! Thank you!"
"No problem."
"What's the good news?"
"The good news is ... that you have the job! Aha!"
So, yes. The transformation is complete. We have moved back from Queensland and I am now employed at somewhere far less useless and more productive than The Coffee Club on Bribie Island. Now I'm drinking the coffee, motherfuckers!Well - not quite. I start in January. And I'm apparently working for quite a prankster.
Thanks to Shippy for the job-search help. Points for you, buddy.
***
Everyone who was madly searching for The Mysterious Seven Story Structures can take a clue from a wonderful series I recently read called Action Philosophers! Joseph Campbell did many interesting things, but one of them was to analyse stories and myths from a lot of cultures and came up with A Definitive Story Structure, otherwise known as The Hero's Journey. I have scanned it in with complete disregard for copyright below, but please, click the image and have a good look.
That should settle a few arguments.
Or start them.
Update - Ryan Dunlavey, Illustrator of Action Philosophers! has somehow found me! And directed me towards the real deal full colour Hero's Journey poster available for just US$3 (plus postage) (which makes it about $AUS4,507) from the Action Philosopher's website (please click on the image above). I urge everyone to either buy a poster or get their hands on Action Philosophers!
***
Far be it from me to heap scorn upon my learned brothers and sisters but mostly brothers in the sciences, but these two news items couldn't have popped into my reader with finer congruity or better timing.
The first "From nerd to word: maths geeks reclaim their cool" is about a new campaign by the Australian Association of Mathematics Teachers to boost the previously "dorky" image of maths. They are attempting to sell the many exciting and lucrative careers options offered by maths.
"It's all to do with imagination," says mathematical stand-up Simon Pampena.
"Most people if you say, `What attracts you to maths?', they wouldn't say, `Imagination'.
"It's usually what repels you from maths and they'd say `Because it's not cool, I'm not going to get a girlfriend doing maths'."
Which brings us neatly to news item number two:
"Male science students uni's most likely virgins: study"
Apparently maths can teach you many things, but good timing isn't one of them.
***
Enthusiasm for last week's movie clippette was so dramatically blunt that I have decided to take my revenge upon you readers who refused to inundate me with copy about your memorable movie moments so that I could rest upon my laurels.
What would you call the scariest movie you've ever seen?
The Grudge?
Saw?
War of the Worlds?
The Ring?
The Omen?
The Sixth Sense?
Scary Movie?
Nuh-uh. Be prepared for a new champion. It is only three and a half minutes long, but trust me on this: you will be curled up in horror as you watch. Many of you may not even make it through. Some of you may actually throw up.
It's safe for work and there's no gore. Just an ill feeling about your entire existence.
Think I'm joking? There's no punchline.
Just watch The World's Scariest Movie.
***
GTH - Points to Kath for the mental image of me busting a shit capoeira-style over a rural French toilet. Or 'toilette'.
You can read more about Action Philosophers comics right here: Action Philosophers.
ReplyDeleteThere's even a full-color version of the Joseph Campbell board game you posted on the site.
Congratulations on the new job Mr Franzy.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately I can not access your scariest movie, so I will have to wait until tonight.
Oh, scariest movie, hard to say really. I find them kind of funny, although I'm a little disturbed by the imagination of the creators of some of them. Almost as disturbed as I am by the imagination of the creators of Lost (the series). How long can a crashed plane on a single island oasis survive, let alone find twists and turns behind every palm leaf. Probably the thing that scares people about scary movies is imagining you're in the position the heroine or victim finds themself in. I generally cringe at these things.
Scary would be Paris Hilton's acting career that has lasted at least two movies off the top of my head.
Congratulations on the new job Franz!
ReplyDeleteI avoid scary movies but the scariest one I've watched from behind a cushion is White Noise. The worse part is MrSquib fell asleep and I had no one to be my eyes for me. Later in bed, a spider crawled on me and I screamed the house down
Aw thanks Franzy, and to see the GTH photo in all it's glory just makes my guess seem even more graphically accurate.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the new job - can you give us a clue as to what it is? After your birthday video, it's not working at Ted's Camera Store is it?
That video is nuts....words fail me....Love Chunks wandered over and staggered away, saying, "I feel sick..." Thank god they had enough arm muscles for chin ups!
F**K THAT!
ReplyDeleteNowt wrong with working for a prankster. Far, far better than fro somebody dead serious all that time. Scored, there.
ReplyDeleteThis of course relates to the header. Its a band, see. And cos this a prankster, its not BLAND. A cunning and extremely poor pun.
Ryan - Forgive me for staring and blinking stupidly in the sunlight before crumbling into fanboy mode, but ... WHOLE-LY SHIITE!! What the hell are you doing here? I am a huge of Action Philosophers. I think absolutely everyone should go and read and re-read them. Plato Smash!! Yay!!!
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, if you want me to take down my crappy scan, you need only to say. I will put a little plug in there for AP and the poster too.
Shippy - I see by your latest comment that you have finally accessed and watched the world's scariest movie. I find the scariest bit isn't that he's doing it, but that he's having so much trouble. I can't even think about now without feeling sick.
Squib - I once woke up in the middle of the night, heard a light scrabbling and opened my eyes just in time to see a big black spider traversing the last doona ruck in front of my face.
I didn't even have enough wind to scream.
I subsequently spent the next hour searching for that little fucker with a can of Mortein.
Kath - Thank you. No, no clues - I might write about it, I might not. I can reveal, however, that Ted's Camera Store hasn't returned my resume yet.
The video. Yes. Did I not promise terror?
Ashleigh - You may, somehow, be winning GTH there. Somehow.
ReplyDeleteHey Franzy - no worries, thanks for the support!
ReplyDeleteAs to how I found you - it never hurts to do an ego-centric Google Alert
Well hey man, don't be a stranger!
ReplyDelete