Thursday, November 22, 2007

It's My Birthday Party.

Please join me and raise a glass.


  1. Dude, that actually terrified me...shivers.

    Meanwhile, I'd love to come to your drinks but I'll be in Tasmania then. Boo. Let's have a drink another time, yes?

  2. I know why that guy was being chased: All Crocs wearers SHOULD be hunted-down and killed.

  3. Awesome dude... well worth the wait , pretty freaky though mate..

  4. Where's eat carpet when you need it. Count me in.

  5. who be dissin the crocs? did you not see me outrun that hardcore birthday card courier punk in comfort and style?

  6. T-rock,

    True I saw you outrun the punk. But, besides the Punk's Hoodie, I did not see any another evidence of either comfort and/or style.

    The Punk's hoodie is practical too! AND the punk can use escalators safely! Hmm, does that mean that Croc wears are like Daleks?...

    Ooh - feel my FLAME!!!

  7. CROCS rule as perfectly comfortable footwear. Sure, they make us all look as though we've escaped from a sheltered workshop but THAT's the point!

  8. Sorry Milly Moo, but it sounds like you are agreeing with me.
    Thanks for the support!

    See T-rock: that is another person who thinks Crocs make you look ridiculous.

    I'm not sure I agree with Milly's insensitive comparison to Sheltered-workshop workers though, as I believe the handicapped are equally capable of good style decisions.
    For example: wearing a full Crows supporters outfit (including scarf); in the middle of summer; while walking to your Kent town based workplace!

    But I do think that you have to have damaged DNA to want to wear Crocs - maybe that is what she meant. Glad I could clear that up!

    Does anyone else see the irony in mentioning Crows Supporters and damaged DNA in the same sentence?...

  9. I know where you were! On the Parade at Norwood, beginning near the corner of George St. The bus stop that I walk past twice a day, 5 days a week, the Christmas banner strung across the road, across the road that cafe with the raised verandah, the post box where I mail my entries from the take 5 and That's Life magazines. The shoe shop, Toyworld, the alley leading to the carpark behind the parade stores, in turn becoming Coles carpark. You even had shots of the back of Coles (a.k.a Chaos). It all looks so different late at night. I see it from a 6-6:30 am perspective. Was that you in the hoodie delivering the invitation? Or were you the cameraman? I'm not a party person, so I won't make it to the Royal Oak, but have fun won't you.

    I love the seafood buffet header this week. Pass the scallops please.

  10. Oooo, a party. I love a good party. I think I may pop into that fine establishment for a beer and a shin dig on the night in question. There is nothing like a spot of alcohol to temporarily drain IQ points.

  11. sorry, "mv * /dev/null" wouldn't actually work. I meant "cat /dev/null > Franzys_Book.txt"

  12. Oh! Anonymous! Mate! It took you THAT long to come up with THAT comeback? What? No assertion of manliness? No scoffing at my waste-of-time pursuits?
    More Unix insults?
    Please PLEASE post here again - it is too TOO hilarious.

  13. Hi Franzy.

    Would mind passing a message on to Audrey for me?

    I'd like to remind her that Hitler found much less criticism from the Jews after he silenced them.


  14. How about you grow some courage glands and pass it onto her yourself? Under an identifiable name that can be engaged with, instead of all this toilet graffiti war bullshit?

    And I can't believe you STILL haven't looked up Godwin's Law at this site called It states that once you compare anything not related to Hitler to Hitler then you are equating one of the most horrific crimes in living memory to an internet discussion board.
    And that's reasonable ... why?

    (And don't bother pointing out that Godwin's Law is actually to do with the odds of someone bringing up Hitler on a discussion board in relation to a discussion's length, not the merits of bringing up the comparison, because that would make you sound even more seriously foolish and bone-headed than I guarantee you already do in using the internet to ask me to "pass on a message" to someone else on the internet, to which you already have access. This isn't the playground and we're not nine years old. Get a life or a nickname or a valid point.)

  15. I was using a name on her site, but I can't now because I might get published or she may announce our off air discussion on air, naming me and making all future employers think I am some kind of sexist woman hater (which I don't think I am).

  16. Oh I'm sorry Anonymous poster, what was that name? I forgot. I must have you confused with the other anonymous posters who also fear to stand behind their opinions and comments.

    And as for being named by Audrey on the radio ... ?!!???? This couldn't be a better xkcd comic if it tried!

    Employer: Okay Mr Anonymous, your Unix skills are proficient, I think I can offer you the position. You can start deleting people's novels shortly, but just one thing: are you the "john" mentioned by Audrey Apple a few years ago on the radio? The one she accused of being a woman-hating sexist pig because you actually wrote something contentious on her person web log?

    Anonymous: Yes, actually, that's me, but you see she got into a fight with Graham Cornes (you know, the ex-Crows coach, runs a car dealership, writes in the Sunday Mail?) about his wife (remember Nicole Cornes, she ran for government under Labor in 2007, wrote in the Sunday Mail too?) and then supported Amanda Blair (another public figure, has own radio show, writes column) when she revealed what Graham had said on air! She supported her, sir! Then she stopped any one who wouldn't identify themselves from posting comments on her blog! She's worse than Hitler! I was only writing what I believe in!

    Employer: Oh no, wait. That wasn't you. That never happened, because plainly Audrey only bothers with real people who work in the public eye, not anonymous graffiti scrawlers who accuse her of being Hitler.

    What kookoo land do you live in?

  17. I never accused her of being hitler, or said she is as bad as hitler for that matter. I merely likened her tactics of silencing critics rather than responding to them a well known historical figure. I could also use Stalin as an example, or maybe Mr Saddam or any other tyrannical dictator.

    Now I think about it, this was probably a little too inflammatory. But then isn't the point of online blogs, threads and comments largely to vent. I do like the way you liken everything to Godwin's rule of Nazi analogies (it is not a law) as if that means you instantly win all arguments. I wouldn't have mentioned Nazis at all if you hadn't said it some time ago when someone mentioned the church. They were linking to the results of a study on a church website and you said that mentioning the church was like Godwin's law for religious discussion. Except that no one was comparing anyone to the church or church figures. "You mentioned the church in a debate related to religion, that means I win"

    And as for an employer not caring about a public naming and shaming, employers are googling potential employees all the time and if two people have similar skill sets, as is often the case, something like that is enough to tip the scales.

  18. You are right in this point: Audrey is a tyrannical dictator. She insists that things are done her way or no way. But then again, she is only running a blog, an internet page with healthy commenters, and not a country with living people.
    And I suppose you are like the underground freedom fighters? Crusading for the rights of speech and expression? Keep at it chum - the Nobel Prize shall be yours.
    Wait - does that make me a Nazi sympathiser?

    I can't believe you've been bandying about that Hitler reference for so damn long before cracking and squealing "YOU did it first!" about my kooky little analogy about a week ago. So you were only being stupid because I was being stupid first? I know monkeys that do that ... and some which have evolved beyond it.

    And sorry, I will not buy your soiled "it will cost me a future job if I type in an identifier to my arguments" line of thought. You are skipping the step in which Audrey cares enough about what you say to repeat it anywhere. No one is asking you to hand out your home address, merely that you type in some kind of constant nickname so that you may be distinguished from other shy anonymous posters.
    Oh I forgot, you don't value creativity at all so "creating" a nickname would be negating your previous arguments about my creative outputs being of worth only as bin-liners.

    Good day, you self-important weirdo.

  19. "You were being stupid so I did it too" doesn't really sum up my sentiments about this, more like "You seemed to like bandying around internet slang so I thought I'd poke fun at you about it"

    And the reason for being anonymous stands, weather you buy it or not.

  20. "You seemed to like bandying around internet slang so I thought I'd poke fun at you about it"

    Heh. Yeah. You sure made the big fun of me! Now I see that everyone realised what you were doing and is still laughing at me behind their hands. Instead of laughing openly at you for comparing Audrey to Hitler as a way of making fun of me for bandying ... about internet ... slang that *yawn* ... um was ... not used ... well ... *snorezzzzz*

  21. actually, what happened was that someone I know read what I wrote about amanda being a bigot and made a comment about how I was going for the throat. they then said they thought it would be funny if I got first post on another article and mentioned nazis. I thought it sounded funny too and particularly because of your comments about the Godwin adage. I didn't make first post but I got Hitler in there and Audrey went nuts. I thought public figures are supposed to be able to take all manner of criticism with a cool temperament. I guess Audrey is only a public figure in training.

  22. Audrey is indeed a public figure in training. But at least she's public. Unlike you with your in-jokes played around a "public figure in training" to make yourself feel ... justified? Why do feel you need to flamebait?
    Because your friend thought it would be funny? Is that why you've been droning on for a week, making delicate little allusions to references long passed and gone to amuse yourself and your "friend"?
    I bet you two spend hours chuckling Simpsons and IT Crowd references at each other and giggling over the guys at MIT who believe that Captain Picard is better than Captain Kirk.

    You remind me of the kid who spits water on you at school and then appeals for calm with "Hey, can't you take a joke?" Yeah, no one got hurt, it's just a bit of water, but what are you achieving?

  23. "droning on for a week"

    I just post the odd comment here and there, I think you have me confused with another anonymous.

  24. No I haven't. They are all you. You take the Anonymous name, you can reap the anonymous marker.

  25. "No I haven't. They are all you."

    I am the face of every person you have never met, in the voice of every comment you never knew the source of, the culprit of every fart you didn't know who to blame for... I am everywhere.

  26. And, going by Audrey's latest post, it seems like you're a bit of a sad sexual criminal too ...

  27. whoa, just read audrey's blog. I know many of the anonymous or named but no account posters and I think I can honestly say they aren't the person she is talking about there. (I don't know who that person is but these people didn't know her beyond reading her blog and occasionally newspaper article).

  28. That's exactly what you would say, 'john'.

  29. person 1: you are a rapist
    person 2: I am not
    person 1: thats exactly what you would say

  30. PS (sorry about the double post): my name is not john, if it were I would not have used it.

  31. Anon - The difference between playing dumb and actually being dumb is non-existent on a blog comments page. The quote marks around 'john' in Audrey's last post are there for all to see and your asshattery is really hilariously out of control.
    I expect that if the Chinese lady who assembled your keyboard could see how you're using it, she would buy it back off you with the fraction of a cent she was paid to make it, just to stop this terrible waste of resources.

  32. "and your asshattery is really hilariously out of control."

    It could be worse, I could be a creative writing major.

  33. This is the franzy I know and love. Now that you only have one target, straight back to the personal insults.

    "The quote marks around 'john' in Audrey's last post are there for all to see and your asshattery is really hilariously out of control."

    I took the quote marks around john to mean that it is somehow similar to the name of the person she was talking about. If this is incorrect say so, otherwise you are little better than those who think they have won an argument because their opponent made a spelling mistake.

  34. Anon @ 3:43 - "This is the franzy I know and love. Now that you only have one target, straight back to the personal insults."

    Anon @ 3:20 - "It could be worse, I could be a creative writing major."

  35. personal attack (statement about someone else): You are a dumb asshat.

    statement about how I could lower my worth (statement about me): "It could be worse, I could be a creative writing major."

  36. So you're saying that being a creative writing major is worse than being an asshat?

  37. I never said that, I said:
    me > me + creative writing amjor

  38. Well, you've come to the right place!

    Why, sir, why? Why on earth do you feel that pursuing the creative communicative arts would lesson you as a person?

  39. wow, addressing what I wrote without swearing or name calling. This must be unfamiliar territory for you.

    There are more important and useful things I could do with my time. To major in creative writing is to not major in something else, something productive. Something maybe that might land me on this list (I am on this list actually):

  40. Perhaps a creative writing major would be a waste of time for you anon because you'd possibly be mediocre at it and your skills can be employed better elsewhere. That doesn't make creative writing in and of itself a waste of time. I presume you like to read? Watch films? Listen to music? They're all under the banner of the 'creative' arts of which creative writing is a part. The world would surely be a very boring place without writers.

  41. Thats right, I was merely pointing out that it would be a waste of my time and I would be less useful without it. You however called me a dumb asshat. As I said, straight back to the personal attacks and insults. I try to imagine you on a debating team.
    "We propose the argument is true becase:
    "Yeah, well you would say that you dumb asshat"

  42. I didn't really want it to come to this, but I'm being forced to repost my original comment (in part):

    "your asshattery"


    "you asshat"

    Is there a difference between the two above quotes? Discuss.

    (please don't make me point it out)

    And as for you not valuing CW for yourself, that's not quite how it came across.

    "It could be worse, I could be a creative writing major."

    The "It" that "could be worse" which you are referring to is my opinion that your comments on this blog (and elsewhere) are on par with wearing a bottom on your head (or designing, making and selling bottoms for others to wear on their own heads). ie. silly, ridiculous. Your above sentence posits that, were it true that you wore a bottom on your head, a worse situation to be in would be studying a creative writing subject as a major.

    A further question for review:
    How am I supposed to direct personal insults at someone who steadfastly refuses to have a personality?

  43. Indeed, the wearing of a bottom on the head or designing and selling of bottoms for others to wear on their heads could be made worse by majoring in creative writing. It could also be made better by studying the dynamics of bottom hat sales, design and engineering. I propose that wearing a poorly designed bottom on ones head is worse than wearing a regular bottom on ones head, one whos designer does not specialise in creative writting.


An explanation of The Joy Division Litmus Test

Although it may now be lost in the mysts of thyme, the poll below is still relevant to this blog. In the winter of 2008, Mele and I went to live in Queensland. In order to survive, I bluffed my way into a job at a Coffee Club.
It was quite a reasonable place to work: the hours were regular, the staff were quite nice, it wasn't particularly taxing on my brain.
There were a few downsides: In the six weeks or so that I worked there, there was about a 90% staff turnover (contributed to by my leaving). This wasn't seen as a result of the low pay, the laughability of staff prices or the practice of not distributing tips to staff, rather it was blamed on the lack of work ethic among Bribie Island's youth.
However, one of the stranger aspects of the cultural isolation that touched our lives during our time "up there" was the fact that nobody at my work had heard of the band Joy Division.
The full explanation is available here.
But please, interact a little further and vote in my ongoing poll. The results are slowly mounting up, proving one thing: people read this blog are more well-informed about Joy Division than anyone who works at the Coffee Club on Bribie Island.

Have you heard of the band Joy Division?

Chinese food, not Chinese Internet!

Champions of Guess The Header

  • What is Guess The Header about? Let’s ask regular “Writing” reader, Shippy: "Anyway, after Franzy's stunning September, and having a crack at 'Guess The Header' for the first time - without truly knowing what I was doing mind you - I think I finally understand what 'GTH' is all about. At first I thought you needed to actually know what it was. Don't get me wrong — if you know what it is, it may help you. I now realise that it's more Franzy's way of invoking thought around an image or, more often than not, part of an image. If you dissect slightly the GTH explanatory sentence at the bottom of his blog you come up with this: “The photo is always taken by me and always connects in some way to the topic of the blog entry it heads up.” When the header is put up, the blog below it will in some obscure way have something to do with it. “Interesting comments are judged and scored arbitrarily and the process is open to corruption and bribery with all correspondence being entered into after the fact and on into eternity, ad infinitum amen.” Franzy judges it, but it's not always the GTH that describes the place perfectly that gets it. “The frequent commenters, the wits, the wags and the outright smartarses who, each entry, engage to both guess the origin and relevance of the strip of photo at the top (or “head”) of each new blog and also who leave what I deem the most interesting comment.” It generally helps if you're a complete smartarse and can twist things to mean whatever you feel they should mean - exactly the way Franzy would like things to be twisted." - Shippy Blogger and GTH point scorer.
  • Nai - 1
  • Lion Kinsman - 2
  • Will - 2
  • Brocky - 2
  • Andy Pants - 2
  • The 327th Male - 3
  • Mad Cat Lady - 3
  • Miles McClagen - 4
  • Myninjacockle - 4
  • Asheligh - 5
  • Neil - 5
  • Third Cat - 5
  • Adam Y - 6
  • Squib - 6
  • Mele - 6
  • Moifey - 7
  • Jono - 8
  • The Other, other Sam - 14
  • Kath Lockett - 15
  • Shippy - 19
  • River - 32