Sunday, August 17, 2008

Bigfoot: BUSTED

I'm sure you've all been paying extremely close attention to the latest unfolding saga of Bigfoot. Famed Bigfoot hunter Tom Biscardi claims to have in his possession a dead bigfoot and is holding it in a freezer. The creature is said to have stood 7 feet and 7 inches.
This was my first clue.
I am a bigfoot believer. I enjoy the idea that there are many amazing and interesting things hiding under rocks, in basements and behind magazine racks that humans are yet to discover. I'm sure 327 will have some kind of science-based problem with this, but he's travelling the werld right now and so right of reply is probably playing second fiddle to right of passage at this time.
Anyway, this bigfoot smells wrong to me. No, not from here. The "undisclosed location" isn't on the island (although it probably could be).
My second clue came when the DNA tests came through. One of the samples was 96% opossum and the other was human. Ringing any bells yet, people?
Three days before the DNA test news broke, another, less-remarkable, sadder event occurred: the world's tallest woman, Sandy Allen, passed away at age 53.
She was 7 feet and 7 inches tall.
She was a human.
She may or may not have been wearing opossum fur at the time, but those grave-robbing bigfoot hunters would have gotten it somewhere.

***
GTH - This was actually just my hand of fury scorching the Royal Brisbane from the face of the earth. I know they save lives but how reasonable are you supposed to be after five days straight of "I'll put a note on your chart and there will be someone here in the morning. In the mean time, just try to hold on ..."
Points go to Kath and Ninja for their amusing stories and to River for creating a new meaning for the picture. No points to Other Sam for playing around with the URLs too much. Maybe it's time you started your own blog dude ...
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6 comments:

  1. gigglewickSunday, August 17, 2008 at 8:23:00 PM PDT

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. gigglewickSunday, August 17, 2008 at 8:25:00 PM PDT

    Split Enz wrote a song about Sandy Allen.

    "I'm bound to say I felt uneasy
    when I first laid eyes on you
    But I liked the way you talked
    Like a living hoper
    towering over our heads in more ways than one

    The hand that shook my hand was awesome
    It still amazes me"

    I think I will listen to it tonight.

    PS that was my deleted comment: it had too many typos to live

    ReplyDelete
  3. Kath LockettSunday, August 17, 2008 at 9:27:00 PM PDT

    I wasn't sure if it was BigFoot or just Ian Thorpe after giving up the Back-Crack-n-Sack wax in retirement.....

    GTH - you, as a cute little chap pretending to be a dinosaur, Big Foot, or my ex-UniSA boss?

    ReplyDelete
  4. RiverMonday, August 18, 2008 at 8:40:00 PM PDT

    I am also a bigfoot believer. There are many very tall people in the world, also many very hairy people. An extremely hirsute family live in Mexico I believe. Who's to say there isn't a very tall, hirsute family hiding out somewhere, because they know that people are afraid of them. It's a well known fact that many people fear what they don't know.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousTuesday, August 19, 2008 at 1:49:00 AM PDT

    "Anyway, this bigfoot smells wrong to me" – that's because you normally cook them fresh.

    GTH – The lesser know 'hairless-pigmy foot'.

    ReplyDelete
  6. myninjacockleWednesday, August 20, 2008 at 3:38:00 AM PDT

    GTH - you in full sports day regalia chanting 'Extra, extra, read all about it. Gold's gunna win there's no doubt about it,' while competing in the third heat of the 400m thunderbird impression.

    ReplyDelete

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An explanation of The Joy Division Litmus Test

Although it may now be lost in the mysts of thyme, the poll below is still relevant to this blog. In the winter of 2008, Mele and I went to live in Queensland. In order to survive, I bluffed my way into a job at a Coffee Club.
It was quite a reasonable place to work: the hours were regular, the staff were quite nice, it wasn't particularly taxing on my brain.
There were a few downsides: In the six weeks or so that I worked there, there was about a 90% staff turnover (contributed to by my leaving). This wasn't seen as a result of the low pay, the laughability of staff prices or the practice of not distributing tips to staff, rather it was blamed on the lack of work ethic among Bribie Island's youth.
However, one of the stranger aspects of the cultural isolation that touched our lives during our time "up there" was the fact that nobody at my work had heard of the band Joy Division.
The full explanation is available here.
But please, interact a little further and vote in my ongoing poll. The results are slowly mounting up, proving one thing: people read this blog are more well-informed about Joy Division than anyone who works at the Coffee Club on Bribie Island.

Have you heard of the band Joy Division?

Chinese food, not Chinese Internet!

Champions of Guess The Header

  • What is Guess The Header about? Let’s ask regular “Writing” reader, Shippy: "Anyway, after Franzy's stunning September, and having a crack at 'Guess The Header' for the first time - without truly knowing what I was doing mind you - I think I finally understand what 'GTH' is all about. At first I thought you needed to actually know what it was. Don't get me wrong — if you know what it is, it may help you. I now realise that it's more Franzy's way of invoking thought around an image or, more often than not, part of an image. If you dissect slightly the GTH explanatory sentence at the bottom of his blog you come up with this: “The photo is always taken by me and always connects in some way to the topic of the blog entry it heads up.” When the header is put up, the blog below it will in some obscure way have something to do with it. “Interesting comments are judged and scored arbitrarily and the process is open to corruption and bribery with all correspondence being entered into after the fact and on into eternity, ad infinitum amen.” Franzy judges it, but it's not always the GTH that describes the place perfectly that gets it. “The frequent commenters, the wits, the wags and the outright smartarses who, each entry, engage to both guess the origin and relevance of the strip of photo at the top (or “head”) of each new blog and also who leave what I deem the most interesting comment.” It generally helps if you're a complete smartarse and can twist things to mean whatever you feel they should mean - exactly the way Franzy would like things to be twisted." - Shippy Blogger and GTH point scorer.
  • Nai - 1
  • Lion Kinsman - 2
  • Will - 2
  • Brocky - 2
  • Andy Pants - 2
  • The 327th Male - 3
  • Mad Cat Lady - 3
  • Miles McClagen - 4
  • Myninjacockle - 4
  • Asheligh - 5
  • Neil - 5
  • Third Cat - 5
  • Adam Y - 6
  • Squib - 6
  • Mele - 6
  • Moifey - 7
  • Jono - 8
  • The Other, other Sam - 14
  • Kath Lockett - 15
  • Shippy - 19
  • River - 32