Team Franzy: Another cry for help. I am compiling a joke book for children 12 and under. I require 300 (yes, three HUNDRED) suitable jokes. Having looked through much of the literature surrounding the topic (ie. my old joke books) I have discovered that 12-year-olds don't really have a lot of jokes published in them with swearing, sexual references or whimsy based around various moral and ethical crimes. These are the only jokes that my brain seems to retain. Observe:
What's Salmon Rushdie's next book going to be called?
Buddha, You Fat Fuck!
The others I can't even bear to type out (however, meet me in person and I will regale you with them all! The 28-year-old joke, the sushi joke, the baby jokes and the famous Feminist Light Bulb zinger!)
So, I call to you, dearest readers, friends and weirdos coming across this page by entering "what is anchovies fishthesis proposal" and "marbles tombolla" into various search engines, tell me your jokes. Tell me them all. Dredge your memories and drill your dads. The best joke will win a copy of the joke book when/if it gets published (looking good at this stage).
***
GTH - River steals the point from Jono with the beautiful (and well-guessed) metaphor for my painful yoking to the desk of research. Neil gets a raised eyebrow for the hairy nipple/lumpy breast.
The photo is of me (of course) on holiday in Cairns. It was taken about an hour or so after a long Blue Bottle jellyfish tentacle wrapped itself around my neck while I was snorkelling. THE single most painful experience of my life. Flaming razor-blades across the throat most accurately describes the sensation. But I would still take that over a year of stressing out about my proposal. There's no steroid cream for the research heeby-jeebies.
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An explanation of The Joy Division Litmus Test
Although it may now be lost in the mysts of thyme, the poll below is still relevant to this blog. In the winter of 2008, Mele and I went to live in Queensland. In order to survive, I bluffed my way into a job at a Coffee Club.
It was quite a reasonable place to work: the hours were regular, the staff were quite nice, it wasn't particularly taxing on my brain.
There were a few downsides: In the six weeks or so that I worked there, there was about a 90% staff turnover (contributed to by my leaving). This wasn't seen as a result of the low pay, the laughability of staff prices or the practice of not distributing tips to staff, rather it was blamed on the lack of work ethic among Bribie Island's youth.
However, one of the stranger aspects of the cultural isolation that touched our lives during our time "up there" was the fact that nobody at my work had heard of the band Joy Division.
The full explanation is available here.
But please, interact a little further and vote in my ongoing poll. The results are slowly mounting up, proving one thing: people read this blog are more well-informed about Joy Division than anyone who works at the Coffee Club on Bribie Island.
It was quite a reasonable place to work: the hours were regular, the staff were quite nice, it wasn't particularly taxing on my brain.
There were a few downsides: In the six weeks or so that I worked there, there was about a 90% staff turnover (contributed to by my leaving). This wasn't seen as a result of the low pay, the laughability of staff prices or the practice of not distributing tips to staff, rather it was blamed on the lack of work ethic among Bribie Island's youth.
However, one of the stranger aspects of the cultural isolation that touched our lives during our time "up there" was the fact that nobody at my work had heard of the band Joy Division.
The full explanation is available here.
But please, interact a little further and vote in my ongoing poll. The results are slowly mounting up, proving one thing: people read this blog are more well-informed about Joy Division than anyone who works at the Coffee Club on Bribie Island.
Why was 6 frightened?
ReplyDeleteBecause 7 8 9.
What did 0 say to 8?
Like the belt!
What's long, brown and sticky?
A stick.
What can go up a chimney down etc
Why did the butter jig in its dish?
It saw abundance on the table (I remember that from when I was 12: I had to have it explained to me, but I loved it)
What did the wattles say when the gumtree fell near them?
Eucalyptus
What did the windows say when the tree fell through them?
Tremendous
Gold Jerry!!
ReplyDeleteI have grandchildren aged 13 and 11, I'll see if I can get a few jokes from them over the weekend.
ReplyDeleteQ. What do you use a wombat for?
ReplyDeleteA. To play wom.
Is today's header a couple of "giants" peering down at a "12 inch pianist"?
ReplyDeleteWhy did the jellybean go to school?
ReplyDeleteHe wanted to be a smartie.
Oooh I hope I'm not too late - am still selfishly on holiday in Qld.
ReplyDeleteHere are my old faves from childhood:
What do you call a camel with three humps - Humphrey
Why did the koala fall out of the tree - it was dead
Why did the possum fall out of the tree - it was nailed to the koala
What do you call Batman and Robin after they've been run over
- Flatman and Ribbon
Did you hear the one about the dyslexic devil worshipper - he sold his soul to Santa
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano - I lava you