Wednesday, September 3, 2008

You know you're an adult when you discover that there are much more mortifying things to be seen buying at a chemist than condoms.


  1. yes, but waiting outside the chemist - wild-eyed and dishevelled in your glad rags - for opening time so you can purchase condoms gets you some odd looks from the proprietor.

  2. I used to work in a chemist in London. Mostly I was behind the cosmetics counter so when guys came up asking for extra sensitive condoms I used to give them short shrift. I had a special withering mien just for them. In fact I bet it killed their desire for a few weeks

  3. Brilliant sentence - and observation, Franzy.

    My worst (at least, in living memmory) chemist request was only a few months ago, when I honestly truly had to ask for help after looking everywhere first: "I'm sorry, I have to return this Rectinol cream. Turns out he wanted the suppositories instead."

    Dropping a large tube of foot fungal cream or vagisil next to your prescriptions aint a good look either.

  4. Ninj - I always thought that if you actually had to leave the premises in order to procure prophylactics, the mood might suffer somewhat. I've actually read news stories about young guys who rob chemists, smashing windows etc, not for money, but simply because they were too embarrassed to buy them.

    Squib - Extra sensitive? Why the withering look? It's the guys who buy the condoms and stand there grinning at you and nodding that you've got to stare down.
    I always told myself that I would NEVER EVER be embarrassed buying condoms, and so I subsequently never was. I never bought them from males either, which was sort of a weird coincidence, even at the supermarket.

    Kath - Thank you. I must admit, I was thinking of you - in that it would be the kind of thing you'd get a kick from.

  5. Whoa fella! Don't peak to soon! There are still another 26 Sentences to go.

  6. ...shit... need to fix that last comment, how about:

    >if (n<1) then
    > delete object "to"
    > insert object "too"
    > n=n+1

    ...ok it is now clear that I need to spend less time at work...

  7. I find it embarrassing, can't say it.

  8. Don't worry T-2thadubl-0 Sam! I've got plenty up the tuckus! And when in I'm in doubt, I'll just come up with something really REALLY insulting.

    Also, I spot a code error - looks like you need to spend MORE time at work ...

  9. River - Don't worry, everybody does it. Say it with me:
    "I don't buy those jellybeans just for the glucose!"

  10. Franzy's right, River. Those poxy diabetic-friendly jelly beans attribute 98% of their sales to shy contraceptive consumers.

    Either that or those Fisherman's friends and blistex lip balms.

  11. Oh and Guess the Header?
    Porpoise one: "What's that?"
    Porpoise two: "Just Franzy throwing pineapples again."

  12. I must be getting old, THANKS for pointing it out!!

  13. Kath - Thanks again for the plug and no GTH points for you! GTH is out this month because it would take up a valuable post!

    TOM - Welcome to adulthood, I suppose ... Nappies are that way.

  14. Why the withering look?

    Because Franz I was selling lipstick. Because they must have been dumb not to see that. I wasn't going to demean myself by HELPING them!


An explanation of The Joy Division Litmus Test

Although it may now be lost in the mysts of thyme, the poll below is still relevant to this blog. In the winter of 2008, Mele and I went to live in Queensland. In order to survive, I bluffed my way into a job at a Coffee Club.
It was quite a reasonable place to work: the hours were regular, the staff were quite nice, it wasn't particularly taxing on my brain.
There were a few downsides: In the six weeks or so that I worked there, there was about a 90% staff turnover (contributed to by my leaving). This wasn't seen as a result of the low pay, the laughability of staff prices or the practice of not distributing tips to staff, rather it was blamed on the lack of work ethic among Bribie Island's youth.
However, one of the stranger aspects of the cultural isolation that touched our lives during our time "up there" was the fact that nobody at my work had heard of the band Joy Division.
The full explanation is available here.
But please, interact a little further and vote in my ongoing poll. The results are slowly mounting up, proving one thing: people read this blog are more well-informed about Joy Division than anyone who works at the Coffee Club on Bribie Island.

Have you heard of the band Joy Division?

Chinese food, not Chinese Internet!

Champions of Guess The Header

  • What is Guess The Header about? Let’s ask regular “Writing” reader, Shippy: "Anyway, after Franzy's stunning September, and having a crack at 'Guess The Header' for the first time - without truly knowing what I was doing mind you - I think I finally understand what 'GTH' is all about. At first I thought you needed to actually know what it was. Don't get me wrong — if you know what it is, it may help you. I now realise that it's more Franzy's way of invoking thought around an image or, more often than not, part of an image. If you dissect slightly the GTH explanatory sentence at the bottom of his blog you come up with this: “The photo is always taken by me and always connects in some way to the topic of the blog entry it heads up.” When the header is put up, the blog below it will in some obscure way have something to do with it. “Interesting comments are judged and scored arbitrarily and the process is open to corruption and bribery with all correspondence being entered into after the fact and on into eternity, ad infinitum amen.” Franzy judges it, but it's not always the GTH that describes the place perfectly that gets it. “The frequent commenters, the wits, the wags and the outright smartarses who, each entry, engage to both guess the origin and relevance of the strip of photo at the top (or “head”) of each new blog and also who leave what I deem the most interesting comment.” It generally helps if you're a complete smartarse and can twist things to mean whatever you feel they should mean - exactly the way Franzy would like things to be twisted." - Shippy Blogger and GTH point scorer.
  • Nai - 1
  • Lion Kinsman - 2
  • Will - 2
  • Brocky - 2
  • Andy Pants - 2
  • The 327th Male - 3
  • Mad Cat Lady - 3
  • Miles McClagen - 4
  • Myninjacockle - 4
  • Asheligh - 5
  • Neil - 5
  • Third Cat - 5
  • Adam Y - 6
  • Squib - 6
  • Mele - 6
  • Moifey - 7
  • Jono - 8
  • The Other, other Sam - 14
  • Kath Lockett - 15
  • Shippy - 19
  • River - 32