Do my work for me!

A very dear friend of mine runs a physiotherapy practice and, as I ply him for free physio, he has returned the compliment and asked me for advice concerning a catchy slogan for some advertising. And when he says "advice" I assume he means "finished products", just as when I take another sip of beer and casually begin a conversation regarding any kind physiological problem I may or may not be experiencing, I actually just want a really good back rub.
So, not wanting to put my bush under light (or however that saying goes) I will be airing out my best ideas here and asking you, my five loyal readers to tell me (and him) which one is the best:

• Don't get punched by any old donkey. Active Bodies Physiotherapy.
• Active Bodies Physiotherapy. We knead your meat.
• For easy movement, Active Bodies Physiotherapy. Like nine litres of prune juice.
• To crack back into the pack or just crack your back, back a cracker back-cracker. Active Bodies Physiotherapy.
• If it ain't broke ... get it checked up anyway at Active Bodies Physiotherapy. (If it is broke, get a referral from the emergency department).
  
• Back straight! Shoulders back! Good girl. Active Bodies Physiotherapy.
• Can't touch your toes? Active Bodies Physiotherapy. Or a lucky parole hearing.
• 10 reps. 4 sets. 3 muscle groups. 5 machines. Active Bodies Physiotherapy doesn't lose count.
• Lucky shirt, lucky protein, lucky bottle, lucky routine. Active Bodies Physiotherapy: the sensible alternative to poetry-based health and fitness.
• Are you still whinging about your shoulder? Active Bodies Physiotherapy.
• Sore wrist, eh? Active Bodies Physiotherapy.
• Active Bodies Physiotherapy. We won't laugh.
  
• You look tense. Have a seat. Active Bodies Physiotherapy.
• Active Bodies Physiotherapy. We'll squeeze that little knot until it hurts like hell.
• You bring your body, we'll bring the instructions. Active Bodies Physiotherapy.
• Active Bodies Physiotherapy. I had no idea it was that stiff.
• No magnets. No mirrors. Some rubbing. Active Bodies Physiotherapy.
• Active Bodies Physiotherapy. Because it shouldn't hurt like that.
• Get the movement you need. Without the fibre. Active Bodies Physiotherapy.
• Active Bodies Physiotherapy. We're not just for wussy footballers.
• Get it popped right back in. Active Bodies Physiotherapy.
• Active Bodies Physiotherapy. We can be very manipulative.
• Active Bodies Physiotherapy. This won't hurt a bit.
• Your movement is our message. Active Bodies Physiotherapy.
• Get a good rub and tug. Active Bodies Physiotherapy.

You may be able to tell that it is becoming late and the metaphors have reduced themselves to poo jokes and masturbation gags. Vote accordingly. Or suggest better. Winning suggestion receives a prize.

***
GTH - Adam Y again with the eyebrowing-raising cultural reference. Me like. River gets an encouragement point because I get the feeling she is refusing to have a guess any more just in case someone gets jealous of her massive and formidable score. The photo is, in fact, the tourist information centre in the Redwood forests of Yosemite National Park.