"Come with me!" she cried, the moment I stepped through the door. "I've got something I have to show you!"
She dragged me into the kitchen and pointed to the chopping board. On it was a small piece of white gristle. "What do you think that is?" she asked. The gristle was a piece of skin carved from the edge of one of the pork spare ribs. On the piece of skin was a small raised nodule.
"A wart?" I guessed.
"It's a nipple!" she moaned. "I want to die!"
I tried to talk her into the fact that nipples tend to have boobs under them, but she insisted that it was neither wart nor beauty spot. It probably was a nipple. I love eating meat. I've reached a stage in my life where I'll eat or at least try anything that's put in front of me and the thought of seared, dripping blue-cooked steak reclining on a plate in front of me fills me with the animal hungers.
At least it wasn't a tattoo.
***
A blog ye muste alle reade: I've only just discovered Myninjacockle's The Loaded Blog and it's the only non-comic site that I've felt compelled to go back and trawl through every single post because each one is an excellent little vignette. The author has either had a lot of practise blogging and discovering what works and what doesn't and what holds an audience, or is one of those talented arseholes who gets it right without even trying. Sceptical? I present for your delectation Exhibit A and, if that's too highbrow, Exhibit B.
***
Blurry photos: I've tried to defend my penchant for blurry photos in the past, but I'm beginning to accept that it's probably one of those things that will be appreciated only when I'm dust in the dirt. Or never. People love dat focus stuff yes suh.
However, being how this is my blog and they're my photos, I can do whatever the hell I like. Moify and Ms Moify-To-Be's engagement party was last night and I took a whole bunch of real blurry ones - YEAH!

I hope it is many years before they get around to drinking the wine we gave them because I wrote on the label "All best for your beautiful journey together". Hopefully they decide to drink all their engagement wine in one hit and get to ours last so they don't have wonder too much about why a man who claims to be a writer thought that omitting a "the" would be poetic.
***
A photo from the archives: For reasons that will become clear in a future blog, I was digging around some old travel photos from a ski-trip to New Zealand. The following photo was taken after probably the worst night's sleep that either Triton or I have ever had. We got a cabin in the woods somewhere and rugged up for cold night. We weren't too worried because we had a double-barrelled bar heater. At two am, the bar heater died. At 2:15am we both woke up with the feeling that we were both going to die. We considered writing a last will and testament but movement was mostly out of the question. Let the record also show that even with the spectre of death from hypothermia looming large we did not declare prison rules and share a sleeping bag.
The next morning we shouted at the manager and were given no refund for our Night of Icy Doom. There was nothing left to do but go to Glenorchy and sit in the sunlight while drinking pitchers of coffee and dining on a cubic foot of baked beans, nine-egg omelettes and half a pig each, nipples and all.
This is the photo I took of the frost shadows outside the Glenorchy Bar and Restaurant.

The pic - alpine vegetation (its edible, you may be interested to know) - possibly NZ in origin. Kiwi sheep often eat it as an aphrodisiac as shearing time approaches. The rest is history.........!
ReplyDeleteadieu, adios, au revoir, sayonara, shalom, farvel, auf wiedersehen, arrivederci, ciao, addio, adeus, hasta la vista, totsiens, selamat jalan, vale, do widenzia, vaya con dios, farewell, etc.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy Queensland.
Merci!
ReplyDeletesilly buggers, you should have shared - much less icy. travelling Mum
ReplyDeleteWow. thanks for the wrap...and enormous pressure to make next several posts breathtaking incisive, refreshingly honest, witty etc. rather then an apparently plagiarised rant about car keys.
ReplyDeleteAs you are a meat lover, and as you are moving to Brisbane, you MUST visit a restaurant called Asian House in Fortitude Valley. It looks the same as the other good value, bustling, busy asian restaurants around there. However, it has one important difference. It sells Imperial Fillet Steak. Delicious long crispy deep fried morsels of steak.
ReplyDeleteThe best thing ever.
Do it.