tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-46961263861686617662024-03-05T13:20:40.490-08:00WritingI stab at thee from the fourth degreefranzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.comBlogger418125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-39092788266088406522016-07-22T01:36:00.001-07:002016-07-22T01:36:30.584-07:00Time trials<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The best driver I’ve ever been. That’s me behind the wheel
now. Because I’m no longer Camrynonymous. I can no longer cut and duck and dive
and obfuscate. I’m a rolling representative. I am the local rolling symbol of
exactly what it means to be driving around a black Skyline.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">But what, exactly, does it mean? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Bogan. Hoon. Riff-raff. Dickhead. Selfish, show-off prick. Scofflaw.
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Maniac</i>. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I can tell people think these
things about Hooncars™, because suddenly, everyone else on the road has become the
Deputy of Roadtown, and it’s their responsibility, nay, their <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">job</i>, to make sure that young fools
behind the wheels of P-plate specials know their place. I’ve never gone for a
drive yet where someone in a car next to me hasn't been desperate to remind me that I’m
not special just because of this allegedly-special Dickhead-Mobile I’ve got
myself. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">And my god, I love it. I truly do. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Nothing is more righteous-making for my soul than having a
2012 Focus see me coming and dive in front of me, just to remind me that a
two-door Nissan is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not an excuse to feel
special</i>. That I should be just as unhappy and law-abiding as everyone else.
</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">My favourite is the Completely-Non-Drag-Race Drag Race. The
lights are red. I’m alone in the right lane. But not for long. Mr Honda Accord
pulls up alongside. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">And doesn’t look. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">He’s going to show this bloody hoon
dickhead what’s what. ‘Form 1 Lane’ glints briefly in the sunset 200 metres
ahead. A wisp of smoke drifts across the start line. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Green light.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Señor Accord guns it. The revs are climbing, his indicator’s
on, this single lane <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">belongs to him</i>! 50 metres back, I
change carefully into second gear and watch a 43-year-old man in a gray family
sedan win a race against his own sense of failing dignity. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">It’s a story which repeats itself over and over. Mostly, it’s
four-wheel-drives trying to ensure that I know that I’m only doing 60km/h by engulfing
the entirety of my rear-view mirror with their shoulder-high grills. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">A black Skyline seems to represent many drivers’ basic need
to remind themselves that they have made a correct and righteous choice of car,
by explaining to me that I’ve made the <i>wrong one</i>. And all this through
the language of aggressive over-taking.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">If I weren’t opposed to bumper-stickers, I would purchase
one which read </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Of <i>course </i>I believe you’re
faster than me, dear</b>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I’m certain it would reassure people that cars aren’t
everything. Loud, black, low, silly: these don’t have to be your regrets when
you walk up to your white station wagon. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">***</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I understand this feeling, because I’ve been on the
flipside. Yes, in the SweetRide. I was at Non-Drag-Race lights in the right
hand lane and a red 2015 Maserati GT pulled up. I actually felt guilty even looking.
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">‘Right’ we both said. The lights went green. Off we went. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">‘What are you doing?’ asked the only woman in my life from the passenger seat. Which
was an incredibly good question, because it was a) raining, and b) holy fuck
what were we trying to prove?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The whole thing was over and called off before
anyone passed 50km/h. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">And that revealed to me the beautiful thing about driving
around among Men Who Must Prove The Length and Strength of Their Automotive
Decisions Through Accelerating: I remember needing to pass and assert myself
and mashing the foot down and hoping. In the Skyline, I don’t think I’ve ever
really pushed the peddle more than halfway. It rarely even gets past a third.
There’s probably cobwebs and happy little spider babies growing up on the floor
beneath the Go Peddle because it’s never even touched there. This stupidly
beautiful car has so much resting power curled gently about its turbo-charger,
its intercooler, its gearbox, its tyres, that every time Mr Peugot 206 goes
howling off into the distance, you can almost see his toes sticking out of the
bonnet, while I’ve barely even touched it. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Because when you’re in a
straight black line pointed toward the horizon, you don’t really need to remind every scalp-scratcher in a Kluger who’s happiest with their sensible life decision.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">It’s pretty damn obvious.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ4BlYZoYsUc74cgChBQSyJEwOKOgAgby45tt1eJJgtHNix8WwSApuo9f-piehI07BK8gHF6RPLLeNW0kBoSfsdVs4MtieD3n_mhus8bMJyzt_rmACOW1nujXGhwBqqB6ZQnZU1FQVaeE/s1600/P7181994-1-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ4BlYZoYsUc74cgChBQSyJEwOKOgAgby45tt1eJJgtHNix8WwSApuo9f-piehI07BK8gHF6RPLLeNW0kBoSfsdVs4MtieD3n_mhus8bMJyzt_rmACOW1nujXGhwBqqB6ZQnZU1FQVaeE/s640/P7181994-1-2.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-68005186533891111322016-05-13T06:28:00.002-07:002016-05-14T05:24:00.121-07:00Interior<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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It’s one of the finer feelings about having this car, and it
should be recorded. It doesn’t happen too often. I move in the wrong circles,
but it is inevitable. I work 9 to 5. I dress as such. I do my hair nicely for
the office. I accessorise with scarves my wife has bought me. I drive a black
Nissan Skyline. Loud exhaust. </div>
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<br /></div>
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It’s late. Not too late, but 10:30pm. The line between home
and party. I’m driving home from the hospital. I’m having fun up the windy
hills roads. I’m not brave enough to exceed 40, but I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sound</i> loud. I’m a bullet painted black and a grown man making ‘brrm’
noises. Pull into the servo, I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">arrive</i>
at the servo.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A group of lads, men. Five or six, are hanging around the
entrance, clustered about Park 1 next to the sliding doors where one of them,
impossible to tell who, owns the Lexus IS300 with the aftermarket whiff about
it. The <i>Is-It-Pearl?</i> paintjob not quite gleaming. They are talking cars. You can
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<br /></div>
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As I swing around past the pumps towards Park 2, necks
stiffen. Exactly <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">no one</i> looks in my
direction. No one. Someone begins talking again. Someone says the word ‘turbo’,
not about the Skyline, but because it’s a common-use word outside the OTR
sliding doors at 10:30pm on a Friday night. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I turn the engine and leave all the
windows open. I get out. I look like someone’s accountant. I’ve got checks
where I should have logos. I have to step around a guy with dreads and say ‘G’day’
to a bloke exactly 5 years younger than me who’s pretty committed to the Tex
Walker moustache. He says ‘g’day’ back. He’s the one who says ‘turbo’ again, on
my way out.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You don’t buy a Skyline to be cool. You don’t buy your dream
car to impress anybody. But passing through that throng of tuner car fan-dudes
in my creased trousers with my intense hairspray, I felt cool. An article by Maggie Stiefvater in
Wednesday's Jalopnik reported a guy showing pictures of his own stupid car
and saying ‘<a href="http://thegarage.jalopnik.com/why-i-fuck-up-my-cars-1775925739" target="_blank">This car is what I look like on the inside</a>.’ It suddenly started to
make more sense.</div>
<br />
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I love the feeling of looking like a career office worker
driving a twenty-year-old boy-racer-mobile and having people have to concede that
maybe, just maybe, all dickheads don’t hang around outside servos on Friday
nights. Some of us have a backseat full of books because we took our wives on a
Dymocks spree. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Making the fan-dudes gathered around their mate’s Lexus have to
re-think who they thought wanted to be in their club, is also pretty great. That’s
the feeling.</div>
franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-50505356701617166952016-04-19T04:40:00.000-07:002016-04-19T04:40:10.289-07:00Stalled<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I wanted to set an example. A bad example. Well, a good bad
example. Not for my son, but for the men around me. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">‘Boys and their toys’ people say, wagging fingers and
rolling eyes. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Exactly. What is a boy with a toy, except for happy? And what’s
wrong with happiness? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Before we get all naïve about it, I’ll tell you what’s wrong
with happiness when it comes from a<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>grown man clutching a metal thing he can see his reflection in and
making ‘brrmm brrmm’ noises with his slightly moist lips. This slobbery gent
has responsibilities. He has a family. He has a job. He has loved ones and
limited time in the day. Happiness spent with his shiny metal thing is
happiness spent in the absence of all those things one builds a fulfilling life
around. Money spent on the shiny metal thing is money lifted away from comforts for those he shares his life with. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Fancy Car can easily equal Selfish Dad. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">This is why Men In Flash Wheels are often regarded with suspicion. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">‘Who went without?’ is the question that readily springs to
mind when we see two doors and a sloping bonnet. Of course, there’s no way of
really knowing, but for my friends, there is.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I come across as a reader, I suppose. Car-Guyness is
something I’ve kept hidden. The car helped me come out of the closet in a few
ways, but one of them was putting that little germ in the minds of those men
around me: toys aren’t bad. Cars are fun. (Well, fun cars are fun.) Since it
arrived I’ve started conversations about cars and seen a faraway look of
dreaming and scheming I haven’t come across. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">‘Hell’ it says ‘if he can do it, it must be possible.’ </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Even entering your dream-date coordinates into
<a href="http://www.carsales.com.au/cars/results?q=%28Service%3D[Carsales]%26%28Make%3D[Ferrari]%26Model%3D[599%20Fiorano]%29%29&area=Stock&vertical=car&sortBy=TopDeal&WT.z_srchsrcx=makemodel" target="_blank">carsales.com.au</a> is fun. I do it for people all the time. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">‘Look!’ I write in an email out of the blue ‘There’s one in
Melbourne! Look how priddy! Look how actually cheap the stupid thing is! Sell
the Camry! <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Roadtrip</i>!’</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">No one’s actually done it yet. The toy, for my friends, is a
symbol of a very well-balanced life. No one’s trading folded arms and The Face
of Disappointment for a 12 year old Beemer with a timing belt of indeterminate
status. These things have to be thought through. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Toys must be earned.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">So when I dropped by the in-laws yesterday, and saw a 350Z, in
black no less, parked where a reliable station wagon should have been, I knew
that in some small way, I had failed. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The good bad example was just a bad
example. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The automobile that should have been able to ferry elderly parents and
a child who cannot legally sit in the front seat was instead the black, sleek
nephew to my own little slice of happiness.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I’ve never been a fan of the 350Z. As long as I’ve liked Skylines,
300ZXs, Silvias, GTRs and everything else, the 350Z always seemed a little bit
buggy. As in: it looked like a bug. From a lot of angles, the tail is too long,
the proportions a bit chubby. That’s usually fine. We all have our favourites.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Now it’ll always be the symbol of a dolt. A buffoon who
thought of nothing but himself, until I, with the naivety of country kindergarten
teacher on his first Tindr date, skipped by in the little piece of positive
incongruity that I imagined would simply send imaginations wandering over to
Gumtree > Cars > Under $10,000. Instead, I was saying ‘Let them all go
without. Look after yourself.’</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-70325120446951666782016-02-25T05:31:00.002-08:002016-02-25T17:47:16.510-08:00Ignition<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I blame Doug Demuro.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Doug Demuro is a kind of journeyman journo for auto-blog
site, <a href="http://jalopnik.com/">Jalopnik.com</a>. He first came to my attention as the guy who bought himself
an actual Ferrari and drove around in it for a year as a daily driver. And
wrote about it. The articles were interesting and well-written; good fodder for
slow work days. But it was the idea that you could actually buy a crazy,
stupid, <i>insane</i> car that ended up with
me tonight taking loving snaps of my very own Nissan Skyline in my very own
driveway.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I also heavily blame <i>Top
Gear</i>. <i>Top Gear </i>became popular in
Australia around the same time the Bugatti Veyron was born. <i>Top Gear</i> called the Veyron, the petrol-driven
car’s ‘Concorde moment’. Nothing would ever go faster or higher or better. They
were right. But they also fertilised the idea of ‘car talk’ in a way that had
never existed before. No one who’s heard of the Veyron, or watched a thing
about it on Youtube can walk away without being able to smugly recite at least
one of its delicious factoids. The Veyron made you feel smart, interested. If
you had a mind to, you could find more Veyron facts. All of them amazing. And
there you are, reading about cars. And here I am, carefully pulling a car-cover
over my jet-black R33 Series 2, and considering whether I should just take it
for a quick spin before bed.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">But, back to Doug. After he sold the Ferrari, Doug asked his
readers what he should buy next. The American car market is different. It’s
vast, and astoundingly cheap. European exotics abound, oddities and curiosities
are freely available, if you can trust your mechanic and make the odd
interstate trip for something special. Weirdly, Doug didn’t go with a vintage
Porsche, or a hilarious land yacht. Doug bought a boring old 1990 Nissan Skyline.
The R32 GT-R. America has another weird rule where they can’t have anything
newer than 25 years old imported. Last year that age-of-consent
passed in a non-creepy way and thousands of Doug’s readers applauded when he imported one of America’s
first crop of Skylines. In thrilling gray. Exactly like the ones I’ve watched P-platers
thrash around Australia for ever. <i>Covetously
</i>watched. Australia doesn’t have that law. Skylines are cheap. So cheap that
for many years almost every news item about a horrible street-racing fatality
that didn’t contain an upside-down Commodore, contained a shot of about five metres
of the twisted metal vomit that Skylines inevitably turn into. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If Mr Ferrari could buy a Skyline in America and be called
the King of the Internet (Car County), maybe I’m not dreaming?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">And the Gumtree searching began …</span></span></div>
franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-41734464880030855982013-08-13T22:08:00.001-07:002013-08-13T22:08:07.716-07:00Blip<i>Of course </i>I still post to this blog!<br />
<br />
Problem is that it's less a diary of things I now put on Facebook and now a repository for either photos (which are easy to publish, but increasingly personal and so I don't post them) or for ideas I have which are either ill-formed, so why would anyone want to read them, or just plain boring.<br />
<br />
But Bloggy is always in my heart.franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-10977598184036804622013-07-06T23:36:00.000-07:002013-07-06T23:36:07.255-07:00Here's how everyone else should parentThe little boy, Charlie's size, but younger came over a few times to check out Charlie's Matchbox car. Then he came over and gave Charlie a series of little punches, right on the side of the arm. I didn't see it, but I saw the little boy scamper back after his name was called at his own table.<br />
Then he came back and did it again.<br />
'Can you stop your child from hitting my son?' we asked, loudly enough for everyone to hear.<br />
Charlie wasn't hurt, or even that bothered. But the boy's mother dragged him over to our table and told him to apologise.<br />
Then it began.<br />
Charlie sat there and waited. All four adults at our table sat there and waited. The boy's mother crouched next to him and told him, goaded him, asked him, pressed him and nagged him to say sorry. But the boy did nothing. He didn't move his lips, he stared anywhere but at Charlie, at the wall, into the middle distance. He leant back into his mother, snaking his little arms up around for a cuddle, a hug, a chance to bury his face, and each time he was gently unhooked and told to say sorry. He was immediately ready to move onto the part where he was assured that everything he did was okay. This went on for minute after minute. No one spoke but his mother. There were no tears, no raised voices, just firm whispering and denied affection. The closest the kid got to verbalising anything was trying to kiss Mummy's ear.<br />
Waiters squeezed by, Charlie became bored and still the snuggling and whispering went on. And on. Still the whispering and urging went on. The tone never changed, neither did the boy's facial expression - if vacant denial can be called an expression.<br />
Finally, I think he managed to mutter 'sorry' to Charlie audibly enough that the ordeal ended. Hugs all round. Hand-holding, playing with cars, kissing goodbyes and the other table left.<br />
<br />
<br />
Here are your questions for discussion:<br />
<ol>
<li>Why did it take five minutes of snuggling and explaining to get a kid to say sorry?</li>
<li>How does a kid with no other obvious social impairments arrive at the idea to repeatedly hit another kid his own age?</li>
<li>Why was saying sorry to someone's face the worst thing that could happen to that kid, as opposed to say, anything else?</li>
<li>Are there any moral downsides to teaching your offspring to, when physically abused, retaliate with a single jab to the nose and a threatening catch-phrase, ie. "Don't mess with the Moose, motherfucker"? </li>
</ol>
<br />franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-57464494827778331012013-06-16T19:26:00.003-07:002013-06-16T19:26:44.504-07:00Death throes Sometimes you can spend an entire weekend doing something by not really doing it.<br />
The 3 people who still read this blog know that I'm very <i>very</i> close to the end of my PhD. I'm actually at that point that I know other PhD students have reached where they chuck a hissy and submit it.<br />
'Good enough!' they cry, dropping into the mail chute. Or giving it to the office. Or whatever ceremony goes along with it. I generally like to imagine an office admin pulling out a bell and giving it a few shakes. Nothing massive, but something out of the ordinary. Then we could all use a community-shaping euphemism:<br />
'You rung the bell yet?'<br />
'Nope, still got my conclusion to tidy up.'<br />
That kind of thing.<br />
<br />
My obstruction to 'ringing the bell' (maybe it'll catch on!) is the abstract. 500 words, what's the thesis about.<br />
Easy, right?<br />
Sort of.<br />
It's a summary of a summary of a summary of my thesis.<br />
I'm sure, once I get the wording right, I'll be asked to summarise it again. Maybe I'll just remove everything that's not a noun or a verb:<br />
<br />
<i>Thesis. </i><br />
<i>Class. Literature. Metaphor. Australia. Power. Novel.</i> <br />
<br />
At least I won't have to spend long on it when that time comes. <br />
<br />
I spent the entire weekend thinking about it and not very much time actually doing it. Even less productivity came out at the end. I'll get there. Go, me. Go. <br />
<br />
And, of course, the final absolutely last bit is (I think) the acknowledgements. I'm thinking of doing it year-book style with little portrait photos of everyone and awards underneath. But that could just be the procrastination talking ...franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-66799599724398515352013-06-03T20:33:00.000-07:002013-06-03T20:33:35.435-07:00Racism<b>Something I've learned in the last week: </b>The only thing a white Australian seems to hate more than being called a racist is seeing a black Australian being told 'sorry'.<br />
<br />
It's the same objections that came up before, during and after Kevin Rudd's Apology. All these people rumbling away in the background how it wasn't <i>them,</i> it wasn't <i>their</i> ancestors, why should <i>they</i> have to feel bad?<br />
<br />
I think there's some specific white terror that, if we say sorry, then we'll have to give everything back. I think the fear of apology is borne of an implicit knowledge that, boy, did we whites really get away with absolutely everything. And it's so close to the surface, that the merest suggestion that, perhaps, we should all take some responsibility for the current thinking on race in Australia, suddenly everyone's throwing up their hands and wagging their heads and generally behaving as though white privilege does not exist.franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-70596502837083949882013-05-07T04:11:00.001-07:002013-05-07T04:11:19.128-07:00Bogan haikuThe boy shouts 'fuck you!'<br />
at his sky-bound red balloon.<br />
Mum slaps his hot tears.franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-51340619865617308922013-04-11T05:16:00.001-07:002013-04-11T05:16:26.406-07:00Plagiarism green pastaI stole this recipe from a good friend of Mele's. It's my go-to dinner party recipe for when shitloads of people need to be fed.<br />
<br />
<b>Ingredientes</b>:<br />
<i>Basil pesto</i><br />
<ul>
<li>Basil (duh)</li>
<li>Nuts (almonds, pine nuts, cashews, whatev) - dry fry in a pan and don't burn</li>
<li>Salt</li>
<li>Pepper (grind it up or you'll have peppercorns)</li>
<li>Extra Virgin Olive Oil - the stronger the better</li>
</ul>
Put it all in a blender. Leave the oil out.<br />
Turn blender on. <b>Then</b> pour oil in. Boom. Pesto.<br />
<br />
<b>OR</b><br />
<br />
Buy a jar of basil pesto. Your choice.<br />
<b> </b><br />
<i>Cherry tomatoes (chop in half)</i><br />
<i>Zucchini (sliced in pretty half moon shapes</i>)<br />
<i>Broccoli (chopped up into bit sized bits)</i><br />
<i>Peas (handful)</i><br />
<i>GARLIC (crushed into little bits)</i><br />
<i>Avocado (about half per person, chopped)</i><br />
<i>Baby spinach </i><br />
<br />
<i>More EV olive oil</i><br />
<i>Chicken stock powder</i><br />
<i>Maybe like, white wine or that verjuice stuff</i><br />
<br />
<i>Pasta (whatever you like) </i><br />
<br />
<b>Methode:</b><br />
<br />
1. Cook pasta in a big pot.<br />
2. While it's cooking, throw in the chicken stock.<br />
3. When it's nearly done, or just done, throw in the chopped up broccoli and the peas. If you can't be stuffed with these two, just forget about them.<br />
4. Pasta done. Strain it with the broc. and the peas. Set aside. Keep a splash of that chicken stocky water in the pot if you can. If it all pours away, so what it's just salty water.<br />
5. Put the pot <i>back on the heat.</i> Same pot. Less washing up like that.<br />
6. Put in a big slug of olive oil. Hey, take a bloody <i>shot </i>of olive oil at this point. You're gonna be fine.<br />
7. Put in the crushed garlic. Swirl it around until you can hear it making a little noise.<br />
8. Pesto in.<br />
9. More swirling.<br />
10. Zucchini in. Let that fry up a bit. Basically until it's hot.<br />
11. This is the bit where you can throw in the white wine or verjuice. Just a little bit. For fanciness of flavour. Or, so you can blame me if it doesn't taste right: 'Bloody Franzy! He said to put wine in it!' Seriously though: don't put heaps in. You're just ruining wine you could be drinking. Don't drink the verjuice though. It's not alcoholic.<br />
12. Wine/verjuice steamed off? Pasta back in. Cherry tomatoes in, baby spinach in, avocado in. <br />
13. Stir it up until everything is touching everything else. Give the whole mix some cracked pepper while you're doing this.<br />
14. Serve it up and eat the rest for lunch.<br />
15. Parmesan cheese, of course.<br />
<br />
You can pretty much forget everything except for the pasta, the pesto and the tomatoes and it's still going to look great. But you shouldn't. Who doesn't have some cracked pepper and at least one vegetable you can either fry or boil in the pasta water lying around?franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-19766567291123000052013-03-21T04:23:00.000-07:002013-03-21T04:23:00.216-07:00Street<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span id="goog_958815897"></span><span id="goog_958815898"></span>franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-40348903834374749062013-03-20T03:57:00.000-07:002013-03-17T03:58:41.458-07:00Tired night<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-59235562072261996912013-03-19T00:00:00.000-07:002013-03-19T00:00:06.468-07:00Blue branches<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-43452009925865887502013-03-17T23:52:00.000-07:002013-03-17T23:52:00.121-07:00Green trees<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-50317998674148029502013-03-16T23:47:00.003-07:002013-03-16T23:47:52.136-07:00Orange clouds<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-45081891781224965272013-02-21T03:48:00.002-08:002013-02-21T03:48:36.222-08:00It's not the lensBut I did finally get a new lens.<br />
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<br />franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-28789443779231539452013-02-04T22:27:00.003-08:002013-02-04T22:27:28.956-08:00Fast'n'FabulousScrew <i>The Avengers</i>. The true super-hero franchise of this century is the <i>Fast'n'Furious</i> franchise. If you watch these movies, don't go with your snorting trumpet on, ready to denigrate the poor acting, the dodgy physics, the shit-like-this-would-never-in-real-life stunts. Watch the movies as the slow awakening of a gang of <i>real life</i> superheroes, discovering their awesome, supernatural powers and using them on the world.<br />
They aren't even aware. <br />
Superhero movies have long had their day. Their plots and characters and histories were largely conceived over 50 years ago, during a time when science was just about putting chrome on things and then putting those things on the moon. Superman and Batman pre-date the modern understanding of DNA. It was sufficient to explain things happening in superhero worlds by just saying "Super! Hero! POWER!"<br />
These days, the superhero universe of <i>The Avengers </i>movies come across as kind of like the church's scrambling to update the wife-beating, slave-swapping days of B.C. to account for the invention of the telephone. And the birth-control pill. When the Hulk turns hulky and Ironman flies in a world still populated by electric cars which still have trouble finding power points, it's difficult, even for a clear-eyed believer like myself to not purse my lips to one side and grumble 'Oh, come <i>on</i>. How? Exactly?'<br />
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<i>Fast'n'Furious</i> doesn't need that justification. It doesn't need the weighty back story hanging about the narrative like a tracking bracelet on a first date: 'So, you've been explaining why it's there for about an hour now - can we get on with the action at hand?'<br />
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No, the characters in <i>Fast'n'Furious</i> <b>are</b> superheroes. They jump through walls. They <i>drive</i> through walls. They lift people with one hand. They drive at 200km/h while making out and not even needing to look at the road. They <i>fly</i>. They just do. The things they do to and with cars aren't the product of engineering miracles, or shoddy script-writing; these people are <i>superheroes</i>! Of course they can drop it into 9th gear and speed up and win! <b>Super! Hero! POWER!</b><br />
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Every single movie is about superheroes who can change the world and triumph over adversity and they don't even know it. The <i>why</i> isn't important. It's the <i>how</i> that makes <i>Fast'n'Furious</i> a modern fable of gods walking among humans. As bright and escapist as <i>Lord of the Rings </i>and subtle as <i>Tree of Life</i>. <br />
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And don't even get me started on the gay subtext.<br />
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<a href="http://www.boston.com/ae/movies/articles/2011/04/24/fast_forward/" target="_blank">And someone else has already won a Pulitzer by making the very salient point that the <i>F'n'F </i>movies are the most important movies about race in 21st Century America extant. </a><br />
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*<b>I know that the point has been made in the past that the <i>Fast'n'Furious</i> movies are about superheroes, but I'll be damned if I can find the original article. Anyone want to find it for me?</b>franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-66754527106657845802013-01-22T20:26:00.001-08:002013-01-22T20:26:18.672-08:00Singing requests considered<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'm currently in the process of backing up all of my precious precious millions of blurry personal photos. While going back through the pages of history, back to when I could be bothered scanning all of my non-digital prints, I found a picture of me when I used to be a clumsy Simon Le Bon</span>:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGnx92xwo7Nl-NWD-5MckQJeRPC4fswkAxplmF9gqQjYPG0amT-WzNKfRlE6dEzlfP5-yGeotCV9caD_mIBVZiJ62Es7C2J8_AkL1YPv0OeeElK8Bw1JP_oTNj-R6kYKUO_TTk2S0Pk6I/s1600/Scarred+Sammy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGnx92xwo7Nl-NWD-5MckQJeRPC4fswkAxplmF9gqQjYPG0amT-WzNKfRlE6dEzlfP5-yGeotCV9caD_mIBVZiJ62Es7C2J8_AkL1YPv0OeeElK8Bw1JP_oTNj-R6kYKUO_TTk2S0Pk6I/s400/Scarred+Sammy.jpg" width="262" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This scar? That's a low doorway, ladies.</td></tr>
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<br />franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-37046804622063838672013-01-10T16:52:00.000-08:002013-01-10T16:52:12.454-08:00<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
My friend Kath just posted <a href="http://blurbfromtheburbs.blogspot.com.au/2013/01/beholder-beauty-eye-of.html" target="_blank">a sad blog about beauty</a>. This is my response. </div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I'm sorry, but beauty is no measure of worth. The genetic lottery receives far more attention than it ever should, and I'm only talking about women here.</span><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Intelligence.</span><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Strength.</span><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Generosity.</span><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Humour.</span><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Passion.</span><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Imagination.</span><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Curiosity.</span><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><i style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b>These </b></i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">are beautiful things. </span><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Not the immeasurable, millimetric increments of perfection that gets blazed at women every second. Not these subjective lies that stack up like an endless library of reasons to hate yourself when someone you love tells you that they think you're beautiful.</span><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Beauty is bullshit. Beauty for a woman is just gambling her spirit away in a casino that never pays out. No matter how much self-esteem you hang upon the right hair, the perfect make-up, the excellent nose job, that awesome photo, the great top, the rockin' skirt, the brilliant shoes, the wicked skin, it will always fade, blow up, rip, go away, leer at you in the mirror, squish the wrong way, hang limp, sag and leave you, strung out and empty. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">This isn't a "should" blog. I'm not even pretending for a second that 'real beauty comes from within' is <i>ever</i> going to catch on. </span><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><br />franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-37914086834365555592013-01-09T17:33:00.001-08:002013-01-09T17:33:43.342-08:00It was a happy new year<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sometimes I just like the old style photos.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Funny focus. Square cropping.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Just a little moment. </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDn3BqWWggPlkkscjra1wW_-XHCvGcPfMYxvLUeyZdUWX2a3Nl238rPA9nTcfOqWpqv4YXxuNVmyS1pKIkJjqlzKDvAyAGsha2ZRXU9XSTmtk8J5wFjVRcdAA7GP2GwS07zAPNcE_-XVs/s1600/P1012043.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDn3BqWWggPlkkscjra1wW_-XHCvGcPfMYxvLUeyZdUWX2a3Nl238rPA9nTcfOqWpqv4YXxuNVmyS1pKIkJjqlzKDvAyAGsha2ZRXU9XSTmtk8J5wFjVRcdAA7GP2GwS07zAPNcE_-XVs/s640/P1012043.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">1st January, 2013. <br />
Maslin Beach.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-8793199197232674212012-12-18T22:01:00.001-08:002012-12-18T22:01:15.890-08:00The Xmas FRIGHTS of Lobethal <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">First time ever visiting the Lights of Lobethal. We arrived early and experienced ample parking, traffic-free roads and <b style="color: red;">HORROR</b>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Mele dropped into an Opp Shop - Hosana's (which should have been a clue). Up on a shelf among the golliwogs and handmade shoe trees were a couple of paper mache cow heads.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">'Check out the cow heads,' says Mele.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">'Wow,' says Charlie and I, thinking about getting an ice cream on this summer evening in the Adelaide Hills.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">'Oh yes, they're from the church play,' says the shop lady, popping up from behind a rack of flowery frocks.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">'Huh,' says I, smilling and picturing a couple of the more homely kids wearing them and being quietly lead up the back of the barn to look on while the Baby Cheesus is set upon by three nine-year-olds in fake beards. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">What followed was so bizarre that I regret that it will not be strictly verbatim, but I promise the gist remains.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">'Yes!' beams shop lady, clearly encouraged by this toddler-toting young father and his dress-wearing wife (a fine blend of modern and traditional roles). '<span style="color: #e06666;">It was the story of Ezra and Ezekiel in which the one true lord commanded of them to perform a blood sacrifice</span>!'</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">'Oh my goodness!' I am clearly gasping at this point. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">'<span style="color: #cc0000;">The story goes that the lord god bade them to take their sons of slaughter them upon the altar of divinity and they took their only children to spill their blood in the name of the most divine lord</span>.' [<i>It must be noted that she has not even modified her tone from the one which told us about a church play. I am scrambling for the exit at this point, trying not to knock over tumblers and tea services while covering Charlie's ears.</i>] '<span style="color: #990000;">And so Ezra took the cows as well and spilled </span><i style="color: #990000;">their</i><span style="color: #990000;"> blood for the blood sacrifice, and that's where the cows heads are from because their heads were </span><i><b><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="color: red;">cut off for the blood sacrifice in worship of the one true saviour Jesus Christ our lord!</span></span></b></i>'</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So chatty.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So scary.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">In my mind, I will probably remember her as being slowly enveloped in dark smoke, bathed in a seething crimson glow as her voice deepened and echoed across eons, reverberating with the ever-writhing flesh of a billion souls consumed like so many cups of Lipton's. But she was a very normal-looking woman. The quintessential opp-shop lady, right down to the cream-coloured cardy. And that's </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">what made it all the more terrifying. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I wanted to ask her to stop repeating the phrases 'blood-sacrifice' and 'slaughter' to my son, but I preferred (as usual) a swift exit to confrontation. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">'Don't worry, Charlie,' I said, as we trotted off towards the non-brimstone engulfed soft-serve van. 'She's just talking about people in a play.'</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span>franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-80703160386512781522012-12-03T05:33:00.000-08:002012-12-03T05:33:01.515-08:00View from the back<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'm a proud father, so obviously I think everything my son does is great. I even let him have a go on the camera so he can take a billion pictures of the same food label. But every now and then, he comes up with something that I really admire. Maybe the good feelings are purely paternal, but who cares. I genuinely like unusual portraits that suggest things, rather than show them. He's </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">already </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">teaching me. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSYw-maDrWiXFq9YzqRodqPy0wHJ1cFK28HJE2A1CGpWontybPPPrTtuTOXCmaeByMiWzTLz7qGCKhzVauj-0yrpE-lb4BqbRywyP0xIw6c6cv7_I7BA_EjjY1plMYakPNqeH4mS-zJJk/s1600/PC020570.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSYw-maDrWiXFq9YzqRodqPy0wHJ1cFK28HJE2A1CGpWontybPPPrTtuTOXCmaeByMiWzTLz7qGCKhzVauj-0yrpE-lb4BqbRywyP0xIw6c6cv7_I7BA_EjjY1plMYakPNqeH4mS-zJJk/s640/PC020570.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span>franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-71912870654935562822012-11-27T17:17:00.001-08:002012-11-27T17:17:09.522-08:00Date night in the twilight<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_cmTXFklePP28tYSu8pwsZ52RWi0HAaQVDa-jrXfMDhSCAiVKtl4JejYnhQnwXX1XebYUwI1TPDQfzRY_HrF4C7zf67_HsV3uK9rqfs_hvupLSrK44eopq2M_DGcNvvHFs8fzSIKSjDA/s1600/PB230507.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_cmTXFklePP28tYSu8pwsZ52RWi0HAaQVDa-jrXfMDhSCAiVKtl4JejYnhQnwXX1XebYUwI1TPDQfzRY_HrF4C7zf67_HsV3uK9rqfs_hvupLSrK44eopq2M_DGcNvvHFs8fzSIKSjDA/s640/PB230507.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I don't hate <i>all</i> of my photos. I'm warming to this one.</span>franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-8481002807920558212012-11-27T17:15:00.001-08:002012-11-27T17:15:16.203-08:00I'm thinking of having a stamp made<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It's that magical time of year where all the assignments are marked and the grades entered into The System. People's lives advance a little closer to their next goal.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It's a spiritual occasion where people discover that those marks sometimes don't add up. They don't come out as originally planned.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The solution?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Complaining. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">To those people I would like to say this: </span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"Education is a ladder, not an escalator."</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">You can quote me on that. Because I said it first.</span>franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696126386168661766.post-13660797845207054352012-11-25T17:58:00.001-08:002012-11-25T17:58:27.787-08:00BeVVAARRREE!!!!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">We went Xmas shopping on Friday night. No, not for ourselves, even though it was Date Night. We wanted to get a cool present for our increasingly intelligent and increasingly (as it turns out) spoiled son. This year was the year of Lego. I have completely engaged Vicarious Dad Mode and allowed Mele to buy him all sorts of complicated sets for presents (notice how I implicate her in my deeds?). Xmas this year will be the kind of Lego-soaked Xmas thousands of children can only dream of. We have gone overboard. Not to say that <i>more </i>Lego wouldn't be welcome under the Franzy Xmas tree. <strike>I will have an awesome collection to play with every day</strike> Charlie will get a kick out of it once Daddy has finished building it for him.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So, Mele and I took a step into the future and bought Charlie ... a dancing robot. No kidding. These things actually exist and you can hold conversations with them, they tell you jokes, dance to music, go to sleep when you tell them to and all in this trilling, autotuned little voice. The future has arrived. Our Hoverboards haven't, but our robot friends certainly have.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Speaking of toys, has anyone actually been to a department store lately? The toy department in Myer, almost exactly a month out from Xmas was like the set of some dystopian, Eastern European horror movie. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The lighting was the first thing we noticed as we crept from the lifts. Up on the fifth floor, it seems like the caretakers don't like to hang around long enough to replace the blown track lights meant to illuminate the Thomas the Tank Engine box sets and glandular plush toys. Almost like they're ... afraid to be anywhere that vulnerable for too long.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The shelves were stocked with strange little toys in among the regular, branded items. Plastic ponies with helmets and racing car bags share space with Dora and the Octonauts. Lego was stacked on one of the few remaining well-lit shelves, but curiously most of the real estate was given over to the highly collectible, completely fun-free architecture series.</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Wow! Frank Lloyd Wright! No, this is <i>heaps</i> better than that Star Wars stuff!</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It's as though the whole place was curated by the nutter from Se7en. I kept expecting to discover an aisle with jars of other people's toenails and photos of myself sleeping behind the Disney merchandise.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The dancing robot, 2012's Toy of the Year, impossible to get online, begged for across the globe, was piled in a bargain bin right up against the precipice that looks down into the Myer Centre abyss. I did glance over my shoulder when we finally discovered them. The clicketty scrabble of intelligent, clawed feet would not have been out of place up in that lonely, eyrie. Oddly enough, it was the cheapest we'd seen the thing. Click Frenzy be damned, no online outlet or Chinese PO Box Business could match Myer Centre's Grotto of Loneliness for price!</span></div>
<br />franzyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02400212989359954521noreply@blogger.com6